Ode to General
Phelps
In 1853 he joined the Bombay native infantry
And then in ‘57 was in Poonah in the mutiny
By the year of ‘58 he was with the Commissariat
And later went to Kattiwar to face the proletariat
E’en so in matters spiritual and interdigitational
He was the very model of a modern major general
While in Bombay he began a homeopathical dispensary
His participation in the Afghan war was truly legendary
He was by all accounts an interesting personality
And devoted his career to matters mostly military
E’en so in matters vivisectional and vaccinational
He was the very model of a modern major general
He turned his attention to the best way of shipping stores
Which was of use to his superiors in the Afghan wars.
He saw much service in most stations of the Presidency
And studied the minutiae of world-wide archaeology
E’en so in matters bimetallical and cremational
He was the very model of a modern major general
In fact, he knew what was meant by ‘mamelon’ and ‘ravelin’
He could tell at sight a chassepot rifle from a javelin
While such affairs as sorties and surprises He was most wary at
And he knew precisely what was meant by ‘commissariat’
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral
He was the very model of a modern major general
Anthea Boylston
December 1994
(with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)