Volume IV
July 18th, 1840 – Saturday Mr Moss called in
the afternoon but was not particularly ridiculous or amusing. Mackworth as usual
paid a long visit in order to have a tete a tete Portuguese lipon. I
don’t know what Fanny wil do when he goes away for he is the only person almost
that she seems to honour with her regard – we had no Shakespeare, Mama being
bothered but I read aloud some of Miss Ellis book on The Influence of Women
. they say she is the wife of Polynesia and it really appears from the ignorance
she betrays that in some parts of human nature or at least of English
–young-ladies nature she might be supposed to have lived all her life among
savages – some parts nevertheless are very true and sensible. The Carters and
Fanny and Mama Tripp came up to tea and the former were much charmed with the
beauty of the Quinta as who would not be that saw it for the first time.
After walking about some time they were seized with some unaccountable
restlessness and fear lest this gentleman should take cold so after devouring
tea in great haste they went down and the Miss Tripps soon followed their
example after asking various questions of much importance of Papa.
The Packet came in – Sunday 19th – The
letters appeared about 6 and contain on the whole bad news, at least Uncle
John’s and Grandmamas are written in a very desponding strain. We were detained
so long reading them that Clara only reached Carmo in time to dress for
Church – I stayed for some time in the vestry talking to Mr Lowe about his
expedition which he enjoyed extremely and had obtained both health and fishes. I
spoke also to the Shores and various others and went to call on Mary as she sent
for me and after staying with her some little time to inform her what has
happened at the Mount since she last saw us I returned to dinner after which
taking off as many of my clothes as I found too hot I laid on my bed and read
Clement Walton which I like excessively – I never read books which seemed to
me so entirely right in all points of doctrine, principle and practice. We
returned to the Mount to tea, I having passed a very tranquil and happy Sunday
and not the least too hot.
Monday 20th – While busily engaged in making
pies and puddings in the afternoon Mrs Wallas and Jane called and as soon as I
had cleaned myself I went into them and after they had paid an enormous visit I
went up the Quinta with them which was an amazing act of politeness as I
was very tired.
Tuesday 21st – I was up at 7 and practised
and read an hour before the arrival of 4 Miss Tripps with Miss Ross who came
unasked – the best feature I have seen in her character for a long time and Miss
Southcote and Pauline Blackburn. After breakfast we all walked round the
Quinta with which all were in ecstasies as usual especially Misses Southcote
and Ross who had never been here before. I walked with the former who was
formerly governess but is now “Mammy” to Pauline who is here for her health and
is an orphan – she is a very nice sensible woman and though her opinions
coincided on most of the subjects we spoke of especially on the property and
benefit of reading novels we were not the least slow. Mama read Mark Anthony
to us and we were very happy. Papa dined with Dr Oliveira instead of us which
was most rude. We, or rather, Bella received a long note from Julia or rather
from Mr Hewson who not only wrote but seems also to have dictated much of the
epistle which is however signed by him Julia Hayward. They are all enjoying
themselves immensely and the gents deriving much benefit from the change. Not a
word about asking us except that Mr Hewson hopes to finish Henry Milner
argument on cliffs of St Anns. Mrs Wallas was also honoured with a note from him
which was however so formally polite that it only served to excite instead of
satisfying Janes curiosity so she came to see if we could tell her more. Her
look of astonishment when she saw “ Miss Philps” in his handwriting and still
more when she cane to the “My dear Elisabeth” was sufficiently amusing. She went
out with us about three o-clock and we had a very nice walk by the botanical
garden to the Curral and on our way down through the Quinta we and
Papa, Mr Moss and Dr Oliveira who were come uo to tea. In the evening Fanny sang
and after I had read the Widow Barnaby the last no alas! And no mention
of any adventures in America to be recorded I became very sleepy and thought
them an immense time before they took their departure although I had been very
happy and every one in raptures.
Wednesday 22nd – Fanny and I went down by
invitation to breakfast at the Angustias at 8 o’clock and found on
arriving there that the elder part of the family had already breakfasted so we
children eat alone in the veranda. Arabella and I except in a small interval of
housekeeping ( in which I answered as many of Mrs Shores questions as I could
about pelerines and puddings and listened to some very pretty poetry by Milne
which Mr Shore read) sat at one end of the veranda alone and she read me such
parts of her journal as she thought proper which was very interesting although
she of course left out all the most interesting parts especially what related to
myself which was a great pity. She has evidently written an immensity about me
and all overpoweringly flattering as I perceived from small parts. The most
amusing was her thinking me prettier than Bella which she did from the first and
not after she knew me. It is altogether so beautiful written, poetical and all
that kind of thing – just like a book. She certainly is most astonishing clever.
Of, if she were but clean and tidy what an angel would she be! Good, beautiful,
learned and innocent as she is how irresistibly charming! What shoals of hearts
and fortunes would be at her feet in less than no time. By the by side she told
me something of this kind but as it is a profound secret disclosed only to me
and on no account by me to be betrayed even to Bella I must remember without
recording it and she promises that her letter shall not be such as be stuck up
at the Custom House. We had a particularly nasty dinner. Poor Mr Hewson! I think
even Arabella’s beauty would not have compensated in his opinion for Mrs Shores
bad housekeeping if he had gone to live there. We laid on the bed all the
afternoon and were so much interested in our conversation which was partly on
the aforementioned subject that we forgot to read her poetry so I must another
day. Poor little girl I do believe she is very fond of me and so I am of her but
to be very fond of anyone which I am very sorry for but it is not my fault and
after all perhaps it is best for being born without a heart – I shall be less
likely to lose it which would be the greatest misfortune of the two. I was
obliged to go away about 6 having things to do in town. This I did – not much
regret as the Tripps and Miss Moss were coming to tea so we embraced most
lovingly although we are to meet again I hope many times before they go and then
I went to a work womans and shopping without dismounting and then to the
Casino so that it was nearly 8 when we reached the Mount and they having
more tea were picking cherries for doce being assisted by Jane Wallas who
looked so pretty and laughed so much at her delicate hands being employed in
such vulgar work that I was quite in love with her. She is a darling little
child and not the least affected.
Thursday 23rd – Mama went to town to make
the said doce and returned with Papa in the evening I having most
unjustifiably wasted the whole day having a headache. I forgot to mention that
Adelaide Oliveira on her way to St Anns where she has been staying with the
Haywards called here with another long note from Julia as before but it seems
from her account that the poor Secretary is not in such good health as he would
have us believe – for which I grieve.
Friday 24th – Jane came in the afternoon to
hear Cymbeline which Mama finished. Two French frigates commanded by
Prince Joinville came in on their way to fetch the Ashes of Napoleon.
Saturday 25th – Papa sent up a word by Mr
Moss and afterwards by a note and special messenger to come down to go on board
but we not fully realising the delights of so doing and moreover being ignorant
that General Bretrand was on board declined. It was also a terrifically hot day
and Bella and I were engaged to spent it at the Temples so perhaps it was as
well. We reached Palmeira soon after 12 and till 2 dinner time we found
it rather slow sitting round the table and listening to, to them, interesting
reminiscence of the Mauritias where Major Lucas and Miss Southcote spent several
years – our party was reinforced presently by Jones, Edwards and Leacock who
were tolerably agreeable and Mr Temple being absent at St António da
Serra we were very happy. I after dinner stationed myself in the smaller
drawing room where I alternately played at puzzles with Pauline, talked to Major
Lucas, a harmless tho apparently silly man, and I should have thought slightly
vulgar but I am assured by everyone that he is remarkably gentlemanly. I suppose
I am mistaken, and reading ? BOZ
which are irresistibly ludicrous, till Mrs Temple coming in to her room where we
sat on the sofa and had a very interesting conversation principally on Astromony
and she was so kind to me calling me dear love so that I was quite delighted as
I have always liked her so much and wished her naturally to like me but I
despaired of such a clever lady so doing. Poor lady ! she had the most dreadful
headache but she would not let me go away but kept on talking in a most animated
manner till as it was cooler she proposed going into the garden where we sat for
a long time in an arbour, the gentleman meanwhile playing at battledoor and
shuttlecock with Pauline and Bella reposing in the house. Here she talked more
nicely that in the house even telling me all about her character and suchlike.
After tea she was so much worse that she was obliged to go to bed but we stayed
a little longer guessing puzzles and just went into her room to wish her goodbye
– Bella rode along the levada being protected from falling there into by
Tom Edwards while I more prudently walked with Tom Leacock and as he and some
other gents have taken a house at the Mount rode up with us.
Sunday 26th – To our infinite horror the
first thing we heard in the morning was that the frigate was under weigh so all
our hopes of going on board are at an end. Fanny and I went down to town and
much to my surprise Mr Thorn preached so that made up for my disappointment
before. It was a very good sermon on “ I thank Thee that I am not as other men
are” but I have heard Mr Lowe preach much better. I had a long conversation with
Mr Bayman in the vestry who had been on board all Saturday afternoon and told me
about General Bertrand who he says is a most free spoken pleasant old man with a
red face and white hair – but so unmindful was he of the honour on shaking hand
and talking with this illustrious person that he actually said he regretted
being thereby prevented from going to Palmeira. I then talked to Mr Lowe
who is dreadfully sunburnt with an expedition to Machico where he has been for
the last week and with which he is so much pleased that he has taken rooms there
for two months intending to return every Saturday to town. Miss Moss waited up
and walked home with me and bothered me so to drink tea with her and sleep at
her house which I was determined not to be bullied into doing for she is a
humbug and I hate humbugs, that in self-defence I was obliged to ask her to come
up here and spend some day at the Mount instead, at which proposal she
immediately seized and she is to come on Friday. I lay all the afternoon on the
bed and read nothing particular and we set off upwards before 5 calling on our
way at palmeira to enquire after MRs Temple who, poor lady, is not the
least better. We walked about the garden with Major Lucas and Miss Southcote who
was very amiable –gave us wine and water and asked us to tea etc. Papa went down
in the evening.
Monday 27th – One of theses mornings as I
was talking to Bella on the all-engrossing topic which however has not engrossed
my mind so much lately, she accused me of inconsistency because I said Mr Hewson
was no more in love with her than with at least 50 other young ladies to whom he
had made vows of unchanging constancy and affection and that he was a humbug
entirely – therefore that I may not again be accused of inconsistency without
written proof of the same I here record this firm and settled conviction. Jane
came to hear Titus Andronicus which I find eminently disgusting, but we
were presently interrupted by Mr Moss and Mr Freeman and Mrs More who departed
without imparting to us any new ideas or facts. Papa came and helped us cut
sandwiches.
Tuesday 28th – Mama on the horse set off at
8 having breakfasted to St Anns and was in the depths of despair because we
declined accompanying her on foot thro the broilingest sun that ever was felt in
July in Madeira. We however followed soon after her i.e. the children down to
Charley and Maria who, her master of the Quinta of St Salvador being
absent, begged to accompany them. I lagged behind the whole way with Mrs Opies
simple tales which indeed are simply absurd. We cooled a little in a cave and
speedily devoured all the provisions which were only enough to make us wish for
more but at 2 o’clock we wanted some more dinner but patience we had none so I
went into a comfortable corner and fell asleep and when I awake I read Gibbon
and then when the children came and made a noise I read the Scotch Chiefs
which is very slow and at 5 we set off homewards and in two hours obtained cool
rest and food which were all very delightful but we were not tired and I sat up
some time reading.
Wednesday 28th – Anna came into my room
before I was dressed to call me to Bella who I found with a number of ? letters
on her lap – 4 Joseph 3 from Mama from Arthur to Bella and Anne to me – all good
and nice. Joseph a little better as to laziness and respectable speeches which
are splendid. Anne Worthington in despair at her Betrothed’s absence and bad
prospects and Jane going to be married to a Mr Whitby aged 50 but a rector and a
good match. Anne talks as much as she seems to think of prudent of a certain
George Lloyd so I don’t know if she thinks of following her friends example –
the worst thing in the letter is a strict prohibition from Papa to read Gibbon
and here I am in the 8th volume. What am I to do. As soon as I had
done with the children for Bella was gone to town to make doce I sat down
to answer it and filled three paged with reasons why I should read Gibbon and
also answered to two other messages Papa had sent me about Mrs Sherwood and the
prayer for the dead. Mrs Gordon called about 5 and entertained me with an
account of the not very gently, manly and very unfrenchmanlike freaks of the
Prince de Joinville who set forth with his train on Saturday morning to gallop
about the country and finding himself inclined to breakfast when he arrived at
Camacha he obtained permission to
go into Mr Beans where they were all sitting down but he, wishing as he said to
be at his ease, insisted on all the ladies going away breakfastless while his
servants spread the provisions he had brought – this conduct for a prince and a
Frenchman seems most unaccountable but General Bertrand made amends for it we
heard by ? the party all round and
the Prince afterwards sent Mrs Bean a jewel – poor payment for such rudeness. He
also insisted on riding along roads that were impassable and two of the party
were much hurt &. Mr Moss also called and paid me a long visit and I was
agreeably surprised at his agreeableness – he advises me by all means to read
Gibbon for he says he agrees with St Paul that we should “prove all things”.
Bella came up.
Tuesday 29th
- Being very sick I did little but lay down and read the stupid
Scottish Chiefs tho occasionally rising for the purpose of writing letters.
Papa came up to tea so we amused him as well as we could reading our letter and
discussing long engagements which he much disapproves, and he thinks Jane
Worthington has a much better prospect of happiness with her sick husband than
Anne with her poor sick lover. I am afraid I am a little of his opinion. So much
for the romance of 18!
Friday 30th – Miss Moss and Mary Oliveira
came to breakfast after which as it was the 2nd day of a ? and
sufficiently hot we staid in the house and I read aloud Mrs Ellis till dinner
and we were all immensily amused at the ridiculous ? resemblance between a
character described and Mary – but she worked on in the most perfect
unconsciousness and unconcern. She really is the very silliest girl I ever knew
and I was almost glad to see that Miss Moss is beginning to find out that her
Utopian ideas respecting her are Utopian. This lady I could not help my feelings
of dislike towards somewhat abating for she listened so silently and
interestedly to the reading that compared with Mary’s restlessness and absurdly
foolish remarks she appeared quite charming and after dinner when we all found
ourselves in my room laying on the bed etc. she quite won
my heart by her observations on live, engagements and marriage which
exactly agreed with my own. She agrees with me in thinking that it is quite
possible to help falling in love an above all that a young lady has not the
least right to suppose a man is in love with her or to act upon this supposition
till he says in so many words “will you marry me”. Bella was of course against
us both but I daresay she will soon think we are right. We then continued
reading Mrs Ellis till Mr Moss appeared when we walked and sat about the
Quinta and listened to a few of
his very funny rhapsodies. After tea Miss Moss seized me by the buttonholes and
kept me talking in the doorway after they were gone into the next room and I
liked her very much. She talked very sensibily on the subject of old maidism, in
which state she thinks she may happily being now 26. she told me Miss Frazers
interestinf history – it is something like Anne Worthingtons only her William is
very handsome and in good health but with far less prospects of obtaining
wherewithal to marry than poor John Thorpe. This poor Bella Frazer seems very
hardly treated, she and William have been brought up together since they were
ten years old and on its appearing to themselves and the said Mrs Carpenter that
they were in love she was mist indignant and astonished and desired them to fall
out of love immediately which however they declined doing and have been engaged
now 2 years. They all went away about 9 – Mamas birthday.
finished it in. it is a great fault of Mamas this scolding without sufficient
cause and I wish she would not do it because although I know she means no harm
and is occasionally sorry for it afterwards, yet she does not consider the pains
she gives especially to me for I hate to be scolded more, I think, than her own
children who have been accustomed to it all their lives. I don’t think Mama
Evans ever scolded me without reason. Papa came up by the Caminho do Meyo
and we all went to the Mirante and to the gate being joined there by Jane
whose almost daily visits I have not thought necessary to mention but Mama did
not come so presently she went away in despair and as it was soon quite dark we
concluded she had gone straight down into town so we went into tea but were
hardly seated before she appeared not very tired and very charmed with St Anns.
She brings a very good report of Misses Hewsons and Montgomerys health and
letters from Eliza and Julia – nothing particular.
Monday 2nd – Fanny and I walked down to town and after much delay of
boiling water buying sugar etc. we had breakfast and then
reposed till Church time – Mary happily did not come till we were
dressing. Mr Lowe preached an old and celebrated sermon of ours about the
miracle of the feeding the 5000 but modified and I think softened from last
years. Mama came in the middle of service as usual alas, and we received the
Sacraments of course but few Communicants. We had a long conversation with Mr
Lowe in the vestry and he wants us to go and see him at Machico – what fun. Mama
and I went up to the Convent and the nun was so much grieved at hearing of Mrs
Wynters death that she intends to write Mr Wynter a letter of “sentiments” by
the Florence – poor man, I hope it will have at least the good effect of making
him ? in his grief. Mama was very agreeable and told me some rather amusing
anedoctes told by Mrs Carter of Miss Dick who declared that Mr Smith had been
violently in love with her but perceiving that she gave him no hope he left the
island in despair! Mr Bacon and Mr Bond also reckoned by her among the number of
her adorers and no end of Portuguese “men”. What vulgar, conceited woman! How
would Mr Hewson like her – I am sure for ‘ his penetration was deceived when he
thought her so much otherwise. After dinner I wrote to Miss Moss to borrow her
horse which she had offered to lend me but alas! Its shoes were worn out so
after riding Mr Mosses Leighton for some time I set off on the pony, Fanny
walking and in due course tho rather slowly reached the Mount. Bella had been in
bed all day and I after tea remembering Mrs Ellises hints on conversation
exerted myself to the utmost to amuse Papa till 9 o’clock and I hope partly
succeeded.
Monday 3rd – I wrote before breakfast and after dinner and practised
very hard as always do but without the least effect – it is not the least use I
shall ever play decently and ? doubt it ever better than I do now. Those
variations of Mozart are so odiously difficult – and another thing I never shall
be able to do it write letters – in short I am a horrid owl and can do nothing –
not even make puddings or darn stockings – I sat at the Mirante most of
the afternoon waiting for Marian who was to have returned from Campanário
but she appeared not and I read Mrs Opies most digusting simple tales and the S.
Schiefs which I have not even yet finished. Mrs Tripp sent us some spotted
muslin dresses. I think very pretty and with a prettier note.
Tuesday August 4th – Is it possible that I am 18 today! I remember
thinking 14 is very old and truth to say I don’t think I am much older now than
I was 4 years ago when Robert Temple used to tell me I was such a prodigy of
wisdom and I used to believe him. How I wish I had kept a journal in that time
of my first and only flirtation for it is not likely I shall ever have another
and it would be a most interesting record. I wonder if I should be happier if I
were beautiful and fascinating – with my present character I think not, but if I
had also a very warm heart and a strong mind I think perhaps I might. But I am
not the least discontented I hope with my lot and I think that on the whole I
have fewer causes of unhappiness and more of contentment than most people. I
wrote to ask Marion and Jane to come and drink tea here but Marion is not to
return till today so perhaps they will not be able to come. I hope our
friendship is not always to last only the Summer it is very slow to be always
cooling and heating again –not comfortable at all – and really I have enough
affection for Marion just now to feel that I should be sorry it should ever
diminish. Jane came down in the afternoon and we waited at the Mirante
till she came about 7 – she promises in spite of her bad headache to come and
drink tea with us and Jane and I went up the Quinta to meet her. Jane
Wilkinson had come up to stay some days with the children so they went elsewhere
and we stayed in the drawing room reading letters and such like to Marion who
lay on the sofa and was very tired poor child which may perhaps account for her
coolness or almost crossness for she expressed nothing but sorrow at having left
Campanário and being returned to their “horrid Quinta” she is a
funny child – I can understand her and whether she likes me or not still remains
a mystery. When they were gone, as the parents had send word they could not come
as the horsed were in town, we thought it would be very advisable for Fanny and
me to walk down early and spend the day with the Shores.
Wednesday 5th – we put our plan into execution and on arriving at the
Angustias at 7 I found Arabella not yet dressed but most delighted to see
me and so were all. We spent the morning principally in Arabellas or Louisa’s
rooms but were occasionally driven out into the balcony by Mrs Shore who kept
fidgeting about and assuring is that we were very hot. She went to see Mama soon
after breakfast and I sent a note by her informing my parent where I was so we
had a long interval of peace and quietness and after all we were left to
ourselves on the whole, and we certainly became in that mornings conversation
much better friends than we had ever been before. Arabella opened her hear
wonderfully and told me of her sorrows her poetry and her melancholy much more
than she ever had before and we made up our minds that the reason we had got son
so very slowly was our great difference of character and I was just trying to
reconcile myself to being undeniably ? only in Arabellas affection because she
had been saying so much about the kindredity of their spirits ( Marion and hers)
and the ? of ours when she went on further to say that now I know her so well
and entered so much and understood her feelings so entirely that I then changed
my mind and began to conceive it possible I might still retain the 1st
place – she read some poetry that I might
choose one for myself. I immediately pounced upon one describing exactly
her own feelings and she had some doubts about giving it me. It is not perhaps
such pretty poetry as some others but it is more interesting to me as I have so
often heard her say in prose what she has there expressed in poetry or rather in
verse. I do believe she is a true poet but I somehow or other cannot fancy she
will ever become celebrated as an authoress. She has come to such perfection so
rapidly and as she says some years ago she felt more poetry than she does now
that I fear she will never much improve. Perhaps though the quite and coolness
of England may being her back to her former state of mind. The cook was ill so
we had fortunately a plainer and mores eatable dinner and about 5 o’clock
Arabella took me to chaperone her to palmeira , Mrs Temple having some
time thought fit to cut them but they being great friends of Miss Southcote they
were all sitting upon a bench in the garden and the others going away Mrs Temple
made me sit down by her and is as affectionate as ever – I really felt quite
flattered. She is looking dreadfully pale and ill and owns to having had a bad
attack but she is so energetic that one can hardly tell how sick she is. Ara and
I went on to the Mosses talking on the way about poor Emily to whom in genius
and intellect she does not think herself worthy to be compared. It is quite
affecting to see her continued sorrow for her loss – she cannot speak of her
without crying. She left me at the turn to the ? as she had been invited there
and had not better excuse to offer for not going than her intention of going up
with me the next morning to the Mount for which expedition she did not wish to
tire herself. Mackworth escorted Fanny but from some mistake did not say to tea.
The other company besides MR Moss were Fanny and two minor Tripps and the
interesting Miss Fraser and her Aunt – interesting no longer for her liveliness
is evidently put on that people may admire her heroism in so laughing, she is
not content with smiling at grief and her occasional visit to the balcony to
look and sight at the moon seem intended to prevent spectators from forgetting
that she a heart broken maiden. Her singing too is in no better taste being much
in the style of a maidservant, neither are her complaints and apologies for
hoarseness and yet evident pleasure in being asked and pressed to perform, which
is so great that rather when not asked at all she asks herself – she also
prefers Herz to Beethoven – Duarte to Mr Lowe and is in short not hopeful, which
discovering I went and talked to poor old Mrs Carpenter who seems a very well
meaning good natured rather silly old woman in a black gown and white cap. We
all came home together about 11. Miss Moss had received a letter from her sister
containing the agreeable intelligence that all the passengers were in good
health tho no particular mention is made of poor ? they were 19 days to
Penzance, whence they wrote by a Falmouth Packet and theirs is the only letter
received.
more interesting , Fanny being with us. After breakfast Mama proposed kindly to
let the children have a holiday that we might sit round the table and work
because it promoted conversation but as we much to Mama’s great astonishment
declined this considerat proposal Ara and I went to Bella’s bowe with some old
journals in which I read all that I thought proper about herself but I am so
sorry to find so little – I mean in future to be much more minute and particular
in describing persons and conversations – to be sure in this latter I am a
little improved already – thanks to Mr Hewsons interesting talking. We talked
principally of such things as were suggested by the journals and letters I was
reading but we also discussed a few other subjects – among other things she was
bitterly lamenting the loss of her innocence which seems to grieve her beyond
measure, but as I told her she could not expect to preserve it all her life so
it did not signify whether it departed sooner or later. She is also much
distressed at the general style of conversation among the young ladies in
Madeira who she thinks treat the subject of love in much too light a manner for
before she came here it always seemed too sacred a subject to be approached
without much circumlocution – so
altogether the poor little girl is very unhappy but I think she will be better
when she gets to England and among her beloved Mary Warren and Tilly, William
Shore etc. One of her most distressing subjects of contemplation is the
incompatibility of writing poetry and being married upon both of which she has
set her heart but she agrees with me that as the best thing for her would be to
marry that the poetry must give way – I am certainly very curious to know what
will become of her – she would to be sure make a very dirty uncomfortable wife
but she would not be happy as an old maid. Well, time will show as Harriet says.
Marion came to fetch her to dinner as had been previously arranged and Mama read
King Lear to us during her absence . the children with Mackworth went to
fetch her and when they returned Peter Cossart and Tom Leacock were here and
they stayed to tea but this was rather fortunate as it prevented Mama making any
objection to our walking together all the evening in the moonlight. Bella joined
us for a little while on the Disteiro but we had been together so much that we
had nothing of very great importance to communicate. Harriet was much more cruel
– she stuck with Fanny and Mackworth the whole evening so that their parting was
disturbed by the unwelcome presence of a third person, for which being come down
into my room I called her and gave her an immense scolding Fanny listening
behing the curtain all the while and I think Harriet was a little convinced by
my arguments and slightly ashamed of herself. This is not however to be our last
parting for we are to go down and see them again which I am glad of as our
parting was rather uncomfortably public, Mama and the gents accompanying us to
the gate.
Friday 7th – I went to the gate to meet Marion but found only a note
saying she was too tired – I suppose overwhelmed with grief. She certainly is
very fond of Arabella for the children say she was crying bitterly when they
went up to fetch her and I alas don’t cry the least and yet I think I am very
sorry she is going away – it certainly is not fair that Ara should like me
better or even as well as Marion for she loves her so infinitely better than I
do. I think it’s the dirtiness and besides I am not so given to loving as
Marion, mores the pity. I wrote all day and Mama finished King Lear and
begins Romeo . Mary Oliveira came up to tea and at 6 went up to the gate
and found Marion waiting for me – she did not seem so unhappy as I expected but
she was very melancholy and nice as she says she is as well inclined as I am to
follow Arabellas advice and be friends. She asked me to go to tea so I went
although I had promised to meet them on the Adro but I thought they would
not expect me knowing where I was. After tea we three went and sat on the wall
watching the rockets which were very pretty and excited Jane most lively
admiration. She was very melancholy when we went in but soon recovered with my
soothing. Really her affection for me is quite touching – at least it would be
of I could know it to be rather more exclusive. I was hardly alone with Marion
but was happy enough and Mrs Wallas graciously informed me when I came away that
I was quite a stanger.
Saturday 8th – Jane wrote me down word that I must send my letter to
Katherine immediately so I closed it and then proceeded to make pies, which I
finished soon and then completed my letters which are long ones to Evans and
Philps, the third unanswered to the latter who Ara advises me to cut, to Joseph
and to Anne Worthington the most difficult of all for I though it proper to
write sentiment which is not particularly natural to me and then I read till
dinner. Mama finished Romeo and Juliet and made us laugh thereover
in a most unromantic style. Mr Hayward Waldy and Ellen came in from the North
the others being gone by way of St Vicent not to arrive till Monday. We were
much amused to hear there would be one vacant room at the hotel while Bella was
there and that Mr Hewson was thinking of taking it. Papa came up.
Sunday 9th – After an immensity of persuading Mama at length
consented to allow Fanny to go down to town with me saying at the same time that
she was very angry with me for bullying her and that she thought it very
indelicate – such an idea! For those innocent babies. Mr Shore preached a very
good sermon and after church Arabella and I went as before agreed into one of
the arbours while M and I took possession of the other. She weepy and trembled
violently and I did my best to console her though I fear my sympathy for her
grief was not lively enough to give her much comfort. She was however very
affectionate and we staid some time talking in a very sentimental manner about
never forgetting, always writing and suchlike which I could not help bringing to
my recollection various passages in books of partings of Intimate Friends – I am
afraid I am a horrid humbug but it is not my fault – I could do no otherwise
than sigh at least in unison for the tears, alas! Would not come and after all I
really was very sorry only to call us so we rather of a passive nature.
Mackworth presently came to call us so we parted first embracing over and over
again in the most heartrendingly pathetic manner and she mounted her horse and
disappeared for ever. I never expect to see her again. Fanny, I was glad to
hear, had relented a little towards Mackworth and not only allowed him to kiss
her but returned the kiss. We read all the afternoon and rode up rather late and
then to bed.
Monday 10th – I met Marion at the gate but she was so anxious to read
a note I had brought from Arabella that I soon left her and came down to the
Tripps of whom Mrs, Miss Berridge, Sophy and Les are arrived to spend the day.
Mama had a small attack of lumbago so left us to do the honors until about 11
when she being dressed they returned from a walk and my pudding made we
assembled to work in the drawing room. Mrs Tripp talked so incessantly and so
agreeable too of past times principally and Mr Tripp’s courtship that I could
hardly find an opening for poor Mrs Ellis and when I did begin so many were the
remarks and annotation that not much of it was accomplished before dinner but we
finished the book afterwards and I am sure we ought to feel most grateful to it
for the amusement and relief it has afforded us. We went in the evening early to
the Adro where I walked with Sophy who did not day one silly thing the
whole day and looked so pretty after her illness that I am beginning to relent
towards her and to believe myself mistaken hitherto in supposing her utterly
idealess. Peter Cossart and Tom Leacock came down to tea with us and after the
Tripps were gone walked for some time in the moonlight with Mama and Bella.
Tuesday 11th – Morning as usual but slightly varied by the
anticipation of seeing the northern lights today – accordingly as Mama was
reading Master Humphreys Clock a bell was heard which excited a wondrous
commotion in our hearts. I speak of course only of my own with certainty but I
imagine that Bella’s was more violently agitated even than mine yet when they
entered a cold shake of the hand and a colder how dye do was all we welcomed one
another with –such is human nature! Marion and Jane had promised to come to tea
expecting that the heros would have taken their departure before 7, but as Mama
had independently invited them to tea they imprudently accepted, when the young
ladies rushed into the room they beheld Messrs. Hewson and Montgomery to their
infinite horror and disquiet but there was no help for it now and we all went to
walk till tea after which they staid in the house and Marion and I paraded up
and down the avenue, she in vain endeavouring to cool her agitation – they went
away rather early and soon after them the gents and Eliza was too tired to have
her accustomed moolight walk.
Wednesday 12th – I played with Mama after dinner the harp being come
up and then came and worked with Eliza in my room – she has entirely forgotten
her former anger and is now I believe as fond of that little man and as sure of
his sincerity and real desire to improve as she ever was, tho’ how she
reconciles his behaviour to Bella with this sincere intention of improvement I
do not exactly perceive. He has not been quite so energetic since his return and
Bella has let Eliza to believe him even less so than he is. Fanny Tripp walked
up about 6 to tea and Maria and Emma rode. Mr Hewson also made his appearance
about this time in the drawing room – he had I believe been some time in the
Bower. We went up to see the fireworks taking up M & J on our way. Marion
informed me that she had a great affection for me and was much rejoiced to learn
that her affection was returned and begged that we should be friends as she
thought it would be a very advisable plan to follow Arabella’s advice and get up
a friendship. Mr Moss had called and come up with us and we took him down to tea
but the others would not. All departed – the meal concluded.
Thursday 13th – I was awakened early with the ever pleasing
intelligence that it was raining hard so I was obliged to write a note instead
of going down to the Tripps to make short crust but it cleared up a little about
12 so I then rushed down the hill and found them arrived that the pie was
already made but they were happy to see me as I to see them and we spent a very
pleasant day working and reading receipts with Mrs Tripp till the Watkinses
arrived. They are a clergyman and wife and daughter aged two who came in the ?
and being particularly introduced to the Tripps Papa has at their request called
upon them Mr Tripp being absent. Mr W is a very gentlemanly tall, thin and
handsome man, quiet and reserved I think. Mrs W poor lady is by no means
prepossessing in her appearance though she too is gentlemanly and interestingly
delicate but she has most ordinary features, red hair and a perpetual smile on
her mouth while the rest of her countenance has the expression of intense ennui
and fatigue. I sat next the gent at dinner at which Mr Freeman was present – he
must, poor man, have been refreshed considerably at the sight of a clean, well –
arranged and eatable meal. We younger branches sat out in the garden all the
afternoon reading Fanny’s journal of the Ravocals which is a sensible and
religious one and then talking on indifferent matters in a very agreeable manner
– we have certainly only just began to appreciate the Tripps who we have with
one accord set down ? as a set of automation idealess individuals, and I have
come to the conclusion that it is a very bad habit to make up our minds too
suddenly on any subject – I now think very well of them all. Mrs Tripp is a
clever, managing and considerably energetic lady without being bustling or
vulgar for I am sure she is good though slightly given to the use of religious
slang. I t
Ink she is well educated – to be sure she read no end of novels in her youth
though none of her daughters have been allowed yet to read one which may account
for some o her good qualities. Fanny, aged 19 is decidedly sensible almost
intellectual with an immensity of energy arrangement and punctuality in all she
does – though from her very diminutive and rather unprepossessing appearance and
the top of her palate which makes her manner of speaking very disagreeable, she
is not for some time so charming as she might be – she is the daughter of the 1st
wife and the family live on her fortune and are very fond of her – not in
consequence. Sophy, the eldest of the ? batch, aged 16 is tall, very pretty
though hobbledehoyed from not having learnt to dance with an innocent thought
not stupid expression and though she is not very clever in the book learning and
such like she seems to have quick wit enough to make her way in the work and a
wonderful genius for making caps and cooking. Susan the next is also pretty
though not so pleasing as Sophy – she evidently has no mean of opinion of her
own abilities and is much looked up to by her sisters to whom she is a walking
dictionary – which is not wonderful as she may occasionally sight in the Tripp
family be seen with a book in her hand. Maria and Anna are just prettyish happy
children not apparently overburned with learning or powers for learning and Miss
Berridge the Governess is ugly. Papa came up to tea and took me up to the Mount
soon after – a nice moonlight ride. Mr Hewson had been paying a visit and I
walked for a long time up and down the avenue to hear particulars from Eliza –
he is so sick, poor man, that Dr Renton insists on his returning immediately to
the North and will not allow him to come on Mount day of.
Friday 14th – I made pies, patties and puddings until I could hardly
stand up but they were good so I was comforted. Marion came to ask me to walk
with her so I went and afterwards to drink a renewal of friendship,
protestations without perhaps much friendship. Julia came to sleep.
Saturday 15th – Mount day – we were called at qr past 6 but in spite
of our early rising Fanny and another Tripp arrived before we were dressed but
we went to the Mirante and amused themselves till we were ready and
joined them there. The Governors, Jacintos, Alvaros, Mr Hewson and some others
had sent excuses after having accepted so that we had a much smaller party than
was expected, i.e. 7 Tripps, Oliveiras, Duarte Ulva and wife, Mr & Mrs Watkins,
Augustinho and Miranda to breakfast and George and Waldy - & Mr Montgomery was
the only addition to our party at dinner. Nevertheless we were very happy,
especially our guests whom we paraded in the morning to the Church and round
about it and to the Gordons. I never remember going to the Church on Mount day
before – I was agreeably surprised to find so much to interest me – penitents on
their knees, kissing of the image, engraving which secured 100 days indulgence
of devoutly prayed before &c. the 1500 people annually ? were also a very pretty
sight being thickly scattered among the trees and looking much like Greenwich
fair – but what rejoiced my heart most was a long conversation I had with Mrs
Carpenter who is mow staying at the Gordons and who I had at the Mosses
forgotten was the sister-in-law of Lady? . She was a charming old woman and
smiled most benevolently at me for my enthusiasm about Sir Walter –she said she
always lived at Abbotsford when in Holland and knew him most intimately and had
the greatest affection for him of course. Charles, she says, is in very delicate
health suffering much from rheumatism – she means to persuade him to come out
here – how nice! “Walter and his amiable wife” are in great despair at having no
children and so is Charles for he says if the estate comes to him he cannot
afford to keep it up. She told me many interesting though intangible things and
some anecdotes which I have read in a book but which are much nicer told viva
voce –when we came home we lounged about eating cake and drinking ginger
beer and Sophy and I lay down some time on my bed as we were very tired but were
presently disturbed to look at the dancers and to entertain some of the Gordons
company who generally have to come to us for amusement. Miss Moss and Miss
Frazer being presently tired of dancing I took them round the Quinta but
we talked of nothing particular and went and sat in Bella’s bower till at 3 the
dinner bell rang when they had some ginger beer and were obliged to take their
departure infinitely disgusted that as the Gordons dinner is not until 6 they
will not be able to come to us again – the dinner was rather ugly there being
several vacant seats as the children insisted in dining in the Furado and so
many ladies that the gents were obliged to pull the dishes out of their places
to carve them. I was but happy enough being seated between Mr Watkins and George
– the former slightly disinclined to talk I thought but I plied him with
questions and insisted on discovering his opinions – he disapproves of novels
because they weaken the mind and waste time – I wish I could hear something new
on this subject – he is evidently very low-church – thinks it wrong of Mr Lowe
to have only one side in the Church Library and to allow us only to read one
side and is going to lend me a low-church book immediately –yet he is
gentlemanly. We went to the Mirante for dessert as usual and then to ?
where some bright genius discovered that Agostinho improvisatored and played the
Machete and that this would be an improvement. A Machete was
accordingly procured and after he had sung nothing particularly brilliant all
the others sung in turns and together made very pretty music much improved by
the romanticity of our situation under the trees at one anothers feet,
especially when it became moonlight – Miranda was a charming as ever and besides
singing some proper songs gave us an excellent imitation of a villains singing
and Julia as a villain was admirable. The music went 1st on our way
to the house we all keeping step behind and when we reached the Furado, Miranda
no longer able to restrain the exhuberance of his spirits began capering about
in a manner most amusing to behold and being joined by Waldy and other children
resembled much a dancing bear surrounded by monkeys – we had meant to play music
all the evening but as such a quiet amusement did not seem in accordance with
the mood of the company the room was cleared for Busca trio and we had a
capital game – Miranda shining in this as in all other things from Beethovens
Trios downwards –everyone was happy and did not go till between 9 and 10. The
innocent Malcom was particularly happy and seemed quite in his element, like
Miranda, both in the music and busca trio. Mr Lowe called on his way down
from the Gordons to say he had heard from his mother.
Sunday 16th – the two children went to Church as I was too tired and
I read Leighton nearly all day – I am disappointed in it – it is not
clear enough and there is such a waste of words over which one is obliged to
puzzle. I like the matter and not the words of a book to be hard. Bella making
preparations for tomorrow. Julia went down with Charles who came for her and I
made up my mind to invite myself to Mr Montogomery party.
Monday 17th – we had breakfast over soon after 7 and Bella had to
wait nearly an hour for Mr Hewson who did not appear till 8, Maria having
omitted to call him in good time and he was so sick poor young man that he had
been almost afraid that he would not be able to go. At last, however, they set
off and most improper and incorrect they looked –just those two alone in their
hammocks going a tete a tete journey of 30 miles among solitary ?
mountains. Papa could not help exclaiming when they went off at half past 4,
Eliza, Fanny, Harriet and I, it having been intimated to me that my presence was
wished for walked down to the
Quinta de S. Salvador and found that poor Mr M was not yet ready to receive
us as he had been rushing about all the day endeavouring to supply Binnaldos
place as he could get no other subsitute. Poor Julia had to walk in consequence
of this same ? for Mr M having promised to send her his pony and not being able
to fulfil his promise she waited a long time for it and at length appeared hot
and weary at half past 5 at which time we had agreed to drink Mr Hewson’s health
it being his 24th birthday – he is old enough to be wiser. Charles
Hayward and Murdoch and Ellen also came to dinner which was not over till half
past 6 in consequence of the numerous toasts we drank which made us so tipsy
also that E J and I went to walk till tea was ready –after tea George Waldy
having also arrived we all sung without ceasing till much past 10 when the pony
having come we took our departure and rode and rode up to the Mount, Fanny
accompanied the who was by the Charlesses – we had been unproariously merry and
noisy and even I had been happy.
Tuesday 18th – a short note from Bella saying she had enjoyed her
journey over that everything was charming and delightful. As I was walking in
the avenue I heard a knock at the gate and no one appearing to open it I
performed the office of portress much to Mr Montgomery’s astonishment – he had
come to answer a note I had written invinting him for tomorrow as his new boy
had been away and he had no one else by whom he could send a letter. However, I
will do him the justice to suppose he was glad of the excuse for coming. As
Maria was rather sick and lying down we took charge of him and accopmained him
up the Quinta to call on the Wallases which I also did and found Marion
ill in bed with toothache and we did not stay long as Eliza was waiting for us
at the gate, then we went down and sat at the Mirante – slow ! Papa.
Wednesday 19th – I made my first attempt at short crust and succeeded
to admiration. Mr M did not arrive till 2 and after dinner he and Fanny sung
duets etc. while Mama laid down –she is much better and after some time was able
to come and hear Mr M read William Missionary enterprise which is a very
interesting book. I think accounts of the conversion of raw savages is so much
more interesting than that of half civilized nations- the Indians for instance.
Soon after 6 we again proceeded up to the Wallas and as Marion was better and
able to sit up we all remained in the drawing room till Mrs W. took her
departure when we had a long and animated discussion on humbugs illustrating our
arguments with many references to MR Hewson who is the most finished humbug
certainly that Marian and I know although Mr M declares he is not the least a
humbug or at any rate not near so much one as we imagine. We grew so interested
in the debate that we forgot poor Eliza and we found that she was gone and the
shades of the evening entirely come, so we had to grope our way through the
woods in a rather amusing manner. In the intervals of knocking ourselves against
the trees, tumbling down the precipices etc. Malcom was upbraiding me for
speaking so unkindly of his cousin as I had done assuring me that the time would
come when I should be convinced how mistaken I had been – he was right – he was
so nice I was quite enchanted and almost sorry when we had reached home although
we had lost ourselves and I had been a little frightened. We had music in the
evening and Jane and he went on up about 19.
Thursday 20th – I wrote Bella an immense note and was just
comfortably seated at the bottom of the garden hoping to finish the Scottish
Chiefs, in the slowest manner possible, regular Custom house, which is not
the least necessary as Mama asks no questions but just lets me read the note to
he and I write all kinds of improprieties to Bella. She says she is not very
well which I take to signify mental rather than bodily indisposition which is
not to be so much wondered at as Mr Hewson is so ill that I suppose ? and bower
scenes are out of the question. I read Williams aloud and then walked up
to see Marion who was much better, extremely violently affectionate and very
anxious I should stay to tea but I could not. She really is a nice child and I
think I like her very much better I am afraid than Arabella or at least I love
her better and should I doubt not love her very much were not love as o have
before said so deficient in my nature. Julie was laughing at me the other day
for this coldness of my disposition saying she doubted if I loved anybody – but
surely this was very unkind, it is very unfeeling to laugh at a person for her
misfortunes, and I am sure having a cold heart is a very great misfortune and I
feel as if I would almost change it for any other. Eliza comforted me by saying
that I could not tell her nor could anyone what was the strengh of my affection
for my friends till it was tried which I suppose it never has been yet. I think
if I do love any one in the world , now I have forgotten the Evanses, who I
certainly did love and almost hope I do still, it is Bella, but I wont write any
more sentiment. Eliza charitably offered to take my share of the packing to
enable me to finish my note and go to bed to prepare for the fatigues of the
morrow.
Friday 21st [August 1840] – Fanny 14 – no birthday presents poor
child but I gave her a collar a little while ago which will do for today. Fanny
Tripp came up to breakfast which was at 7 and as soon as we had finished Papa,
she, Fanny and Harriet walking, Clara and Charles Palanquining and I riding set
off towards the Poizo where we were to spend the day and I took up Jane
in her palanquin and rode with her till I surrendered my horse to a child and so
riding and lying we at length reached Ribeira das Cales where we were
glad to get a little shelter from the cave which has so often afforded us refuge
from the heat – here we were joined by the rest of the Tripps, Mama and Mr
Montgomery, all riding with two hammocks and we then proceeded on our way after
drinking a little water – to the Poizo I
rode nearly all the way with Mr M who was very slow and talked of nothing and
Jane having changed her palanquin for a Tripp horse he rushed off to her leaving
me quite alone and remained devoted to her the rest of the day. We dismounted at
the bottom of one of the peaks which we ascended in order to put up a signal to
Bella as we could see the hotel quite distinctly – it was a brilliant day and we
had a glorious view of the torrintas which appeared quite close to us, of the
north and south seas on ascending all the heights that came in our way till we
were satisfied and then as it was two o’clock we began to think it was quite
time fro dinner and all dispersed in search of a convenient and shady place.
While Jane and I were so engaged we were much astonished at the sound of our
names shouted in the most familiar manner by Mr M who was standing on the top of
the hill screaming Mary, Jane come here! And in this manner he continued to
address us all day much to my disgust. I was so angry that I turned a deaf ear
to all his questions till he was at last compelled to put a Miss before my name
if he wished to obtain an answer – but perhaps poor little boy he only did it in
the glee of his heart for he was very happy and I ought not to be so enraged
with him. We dined under ? da Terra and when we had finished Jane and I
retired to a shady spot and there lay down together and found ourselves so
comfortable that when we saw the others pop up to mount we could not prevail on
ourselves to move until some time had passed and then we met two men who had
been sent to look for us, also a scolding for our carelessness. We were
astonished to find how far we had come from the Poizo in search of the
picturesque – at least three miles nearly all the way I rode and then sending
back the horse for Mama found myself alone with Charley with whom I walked on
following a footpath I saw and thinking of nothing till at last perceiving that
we were not overtaken by the riders I began to be a little frightened supposing
we had lost our way but I rushed on knowing that a path must lead somewhere and
at length I had the good fortune to meet a woodcarrier who put me into the right
way and we presently found ourselves in the road a little above Ribeira das
Cales and much ahead of the party to whom I sent a man to inform them of our
safe arrival which was fortunate as they were just sending to look for us as the
open terra is rather an easy and unsafe place to lose oneself upon – but alls
well that ends well. Charley and I
got to the pavement before any of the others and had a luxurious repose upon the
grass till some horses appeared from one of which I speedily dismount its rider
and mounted myself with great satisfaction for it’s a long way from the Poizo
to the Mount and I was very tired and I believe we were none of us sorry to
reach home which we did about 8 been above the Mount before. They would none of
them come in to tea and Mr M took down our letters for the North to
go by Rimmald in the Morn.
Saturday 22nd – Being a little rested I walked down to the Valle
with Fanny at 9 o’clock to spend the day with the Tripps it being Fanny’s 20th
birthday. Harriet and Clara came after breakfast and Miss Moss was also there .
I was very happy for as we were all tired together we lay on sofas or beds
reading, working and talking and in the afternoon we walked and sat a little in
the garden. I also answered a note from Bella and Julia came to tea and we all
walked down together. I like the Tripps better and better – they are so
innocently good and have so much more individuality than I imagined.
Sunday 23rd – I walked from church with Mr Watkins to the Incarnation
trusting to his geographical ignorance not to detect me. He is so sweet and
gentle as well as gentlemanly that I cannot help liking him in spite of his low
church principles and he is so kind to me that I hope the liking may be neutral.
I read Abbots Young Christian all day and was delighted with it – I
cannot understand Mama saying his books do not come home to her – they do to me
more almost than any of the kind I ever read. Clara and I came up in the
evening.
Monday 24th – Fanny and Harriet came up to breakfast . I wrote this
before dinner and afterwards was detained by Mama as I was going out to breath a
little airas my head ached to work with her till Harriet having finished
practising she proceeded to give a dancing lesson in which I was required
to assist which did not make my head better so I determined not to drink tea
with the Wallases as I had promised but just go up and tell them so, but Marion
was so pressing that I could not refuse and Eliza and we sat at the gate for
some time till she went down with a message for Mama. I lay on Janes bed and she
poured eau de cologne upon my head till it was much better and Mr Leacock
come to tea after which Jane and I played ? duet to him and then she sang. Mrs
Wallas worked and Marion and I read ? together and made an agreement to meet
every evening to read ? till I was sent for. Mama, on my informing her of this
arrangement insists the Bella, Julia and Fanny be included in these meetings,
which I think rather an unfair proceeding for we are nowhere commanded to love
our neighbour better than ourselves and as without vanity, I know more German
than my companions it is hardly selfish of me to prefer arrangements which shall
enable me to go on without being still obliged to wait for them, especially as I
have never been able to induce them to read anything approaching to regularly
but have much more fallen back to them than brought them on to me.
Tuesday 25th – A messenger from the North confirmed the intelligence
that Bella was coming over today. I wrote this and began kirbirla und linba
for our first lesson. We all sat at the Mirante waiting for Bella and at
6 I had the delight of once more embracing my beloved sister. She was not at all
tired and after writing to MRs Carter and despatching the men she administered
to me an oath and then told me “nothing” however, black is white and I am at
last perfectly and entirely satisfied – yet I am not the least surprised at
anything I have said or written on the subject for surely it was quite the most
natural thing for me to imagine but Mr M is a true prophet and I rejoice thereat
with my whole heart. Charleses, Hayward and Murdoch came up to tea and Papa
brought letters by the Tenerife announcing Jacintos intention of returning to
Madeira and Mr Smith’s anxious wish to see us at Teneriffe as soon as possible
so we are to go in the September Packet!
Wednesday 26th – I have come to the conclusion that as writing my
journal is great waste of time but still so interesting an occupation that I
cannot give it up I will no longer devote my morning hours to it but write it up
every night before going to bed which after all is the most approved method of
proceeding. I met Marion this morn at the gate to tell her of Bella’s arrival
which had prevented my going to her the evening before but this is to be our
last morning meeting as we agree it is great waste of time. I have not thought
it necessary to particularize our visits which have been pretty frequent. I went
to Bella for correction before breakfast to tell her how ell I had stood M’s
cross questioning for I not only humbugged in words but kept my very blood in
order and not once allowed it to came in to my face which is so much addicted to
do when I tell a white lie. Morning as usual except that I perhaps cut poor
Charle’s reading rather short for I found that I required Bella’s assistance at
making a camisa at which I was busily employed. After dinner too as Mama
was readinf aloud a book we had both read she allowed us to remain quietly
alone. Oh dear, it’s so funny I can hardly believe it yet but I am very glad. We
went to call on the ? and Gordons where I sat happily ruminating under a tree
till interrupted by Mr Gordon and his pomposity. The Wallases came to tea and we
played but they seemed bored only that M was much amused at Bella’s amazing
spirits – she does seem rather happier than before her northern expedition
–better I mean – I beg her pardon . how are we to be ready by September?
Thursaday 27th – I lost my book so was compelled to go to Bella’s
room to look for it. It being Eliza’s last day she sat with us a good deal and
in the evening we three walked up to meet Julia who was coming over from
Camacha by way of the Curral
but we fell short at the seat where Eliza amused herself with reading and we in
going to sleep she said but I don’t think we slept or if we did our dreams were
very vivid. Presently a cry was raised that Julia had arrived so we proceeded
downwards and our conversation was as before of Mr Hewson but how different it
seemed. However, we both acted beautifully and Elizas anecdotes served as an
excuse for the laughter we could not suppress at the oddness of the thing.it
reallu is so strange and so perfectly to me unexpected – Je Noy and it is so
very interesting and exciting but I am so afraid of writing anything for I don’t
know what Bella may do in the fullness of her heart and confidence with my poor
journal but I must make her promise to remember that people are not supposed to
be blind to my faults and therefore I don’t want too have them exposed. Mr Moss
called and rode down with Eliza – Julia very much down but whether from the
fatigue of Mrs Parks party and house-warming or from the news from Teneriffe I
cannot say. I am writing this at rather a late hour since Bella’s return I have
always found myself in her room somewhere or other before going too bed and I
become so interested in her conversation that I must tear myself away although
Mama’s footsteps in the next room cause a little terror lest she should come in
and seize me in the act of holding a tete a tete of which she has such a
horror that even between sisters she deems it highly incorrect and indecent –
Walla.
Friday 28th - Passed the
day much as usual making shifts etc. with occasionally a few interesting
passages. Mama read Williams till it was time
for me to go to Marion. Fanny only accompanied me and she and Jane sat at
one side the hill we on the other very happily reading ? as we have
abandoned the other as too difficult and improper. We read diligently but in an
interval Marion told me the news which is that Jacinto is going to be married –
not that the report is believed. Bella came to meet me and we three sat at the
gate some time talking of Teneriffe for Marion most fortunately makes a point of
never mentioning Mr Hewson’s name, at least she does dwell on the subject and
seems half as curious and interested as she used – she will soon forget him –
the first man that makes loves to her next winter will quite reconcile her to
her fate and it will be as well. The children went in to tea and we came
down but the woods were not so dark as the last time I walked down them
at night. After tea we talked for a long time about Jacinto, we were trying to
impress upon the parents the necessity of calling so disreputable a character
but we found it a very hard matter for Mama is so determined to think him the
amiable person he appears and Papa is do determined to think nothing about him
but I am afraid if he should come out again nothing we could say would prevent
their admitting him to the same degree of intimacy as before, and yet, they
know, or might know if they would not wilfully shut their eyes, that he keeps
several mistresses and commits all kinds of wickedness but he has a “bon Coeur”
and is amiable and so all this minor considerations are to be forgotten – really
for good people as the parents are this is a funny principle to teach their
children. In the course of conversation allusions were made which caused Bella’s
and my corns (only we had none) to throb in unison more than once.
Saturday 29th - I gave
Fanny a lesson in cookery previous to my departure this day fortnight and then
worked in my room where Lizzie was also culling out our dresses but she was not
particular hindrance to conversation as we always instinctively lower our
voices. I practised after dinner and worked till Mr Montgomery came and we went
to walk with him. I had not amused at the recollection of our last conversation
and the fulfilment of his prophecy in which, it seems, he had some ? but this
part of the business is to me for the present involved in mystery. They talked
rather funnily now – even a little conversation before in which Julia gave some
interesting little particulars of his birth , parentage, and manner are
peculiarly laughable. Messrs. Bayman and G. Hawyard, Fanny and the former round
the woods till it was dark – the man really is so eloquent and clever that the
moment he gets warmed on a subject all his vulgarity of manner and appearance
vanish – he was haranguing me on high church and infidelity, giving as his
opinion that Mr Lowe does not carry his opinions at all too far and he made the
matter so much clearer and more reasonable than Mr Lowe ever did that I am
beginning to think the Mrs Sherwood must be quite out and he quite in – we did
nothing after tea but sit in a heap and talk of Cadiz and nightcaps and they
departed early.
Sunday 30th - Fanny went
to Church and came up with Papa to dinner as it rained nearly all day we did
nothing after prayers but to occupy beds in my room reading I. Leighton.
I rather like these glory rainy days especially when they fall on a Sunday.
such as “now are they engaged” perhaps after all you are only deceiving me” and
“do you think there is any possibility of your loosing your gloves”? she
contents herself with talking about herself and listening to any sage advice and
remonstrance.
Tuesday Sept. 1st – Julia who has appeared most unhappy all this time
came and sat in my room while Mr Moss was paying a visit and began a long
discussion on blues declaring she had not them now and that no one could
discover when she had. I but think she deceives herself for if continual crying
and a most doleful countenance with occasional small attempts at merriment are
not proof positive of the blues I know not what are – poor child I think she has
some little cause to think herself ill treated. Mr Montgomery called when Mr
Moss retreated and Bella and he had a long and interesting Tete a tete
walk in which they discussed the latters future plans while Julia and I went to
read a long note from Eliza containing an account of one she had received from
Mr Hewson saying he was not better. It really is very melancholy. I wish he
would get well and rich and then etc. Mr M stayed to tea and they all sung
splendidly till 10 o’clock.
Wednesday 2nd – Bella sick in bed so only Fanny and I went down to
spend the day at Palmeira , which we reached about half past ten having
found it rather hot down the Mount and we were not completely comfortable till
after the repose of dinner when we all went out ant I found myself discoursing
of love 1st and 2nd, long engagements, flirts, etc with
Miss Southcote whose ideas on the subject greatly coincide with my own – she
thinks there can be but one real and lasting love and that all else is
imagination and the consequence of the natural desire of youth to bestow its
affections on the first person that comes in its way – to illustrate some of her
theories such as that flirting agreeable girls don’t “go off” so soon as the
quite and innocent she told me various little interesting anecdotes of Pauline ?
sister who has arrived at the age of 21 without one eligible offer and of
various other of her kith and kin and then we talked of novels till we were
joined by Julia Wardrope also spending the day when we edified her with our
discussions of books of which she had never heard – Miss S is one of the most
unstraighlaced persons on the subject if improper books that I ever knew and
advised me to read Delphim and yet she keeps Pauline very strictly in
this particular which is an inconsistency I do not well understand. We then
wandered about, drank coffee and talked to Messrs. Bayman, Tom and Charles
Mindick who gathered grapes for us till Miss S and I again found ourselves
walking together round the Quinta which let me say is so long round and
occupied us till moonlight. We talked rather uninterestingly at first till we
began Journal writing of which she does not approve unless we can be sure
nothing will ever be seen that might wound a persons feelings, but she thinks
that when undertaken with a good motive like mine, i.e. to look back at a future
time and mark the changes of my mind and when filled with criticism,
conversations, sensible opinions and such taking pains with the style and the
writing, like mine, that they may do good or at least prove an innocent source
of amusement – I am afraid I gave her rather too good an opinion of my style of
journalising for I rather described what I wished to do than really did, but
Rome was not built in a day and I hope some day to act to my principles. Mr
Temple and Dr Broughton had arrived and we found them all sitting in the
moonlight upon which I sat down by Mrs Temple and continued my journal
discussion with her and finding to my great delight that she has an immense
horror of them our quick discussion now grew into ? a debate, Dr B taking my
side, Julia listening and occasionally giving ? to a commonplace observation
though I, of course, combated all Mrs T’s arguments as in duty bound I could not
but allow in my heart with much that she said, we having lately stealthily
perused poor Fannys Mss and been much disgusted at the affection or at least
exaggeration of sentiment therein contained which vexed me the more as I have
been the principal mover of her journal writing which I recommended thinking it
would be a good outlet for her pent up thoughts which having been so long
brooded over must I thought be worth recording – but it seems I was mistaken and
that they had better have remained where they were for as Mrs T, says children
only write down things to look pretty and have not sense to confine themselves
to improving subjects – Miss Southcote walked away in the middle of the argument
which showed bad taste for it was an amusing one, nut her greatest fault seems
to her dislike of arguments, but for this failing I should like her particularly
indeed I do in spite therof for she is very sensible and agreeable and in many
respects what I should like to be at the age of 35 which may be about her age.
Mr Temple was not particularly disgusted at tea and we sat an immense time in
the hot room which made me rejoice when a move was made towards the drawing room
when I worked and talked to every one and at 10 took my departure attended by Dr
B who would have been agreeable only my horse tumbled and frightened me so I was
stupid. Bella was not asleep and able to tell me the news of which there is much
as Miss Moss has been spending the day – M.H. and Mr Moss drinking tea and
Marion and Misses Mont and Freeman paying visits and when I had heard and
imparted all this I come to record it in pursurance of my resolution although
the hour ( half past 12)
Thursday 3rd – Work almost unceasingly but the monotony thereof was
much relieved by the perusual of Bellas journal to which she was making
explanatory notes and which we found considerably amusing. Mr Montgomery called
on his way from spending the day at the Wallases but as it was late he could not
dismount and some of us spoke to him at the gate. He has heard from Mr Hewson
that he is no better and Dr Renton advises him strongly to return to the South
and to take a voyage – how very
natural it would be for them to go with us to Teneriffe only that I fear the
climate would not agree with him, but it would be so nice and it need not be
talked about any more than his going to Lisbon with Jane Penfold which he would
do if he went not with us.
Friday 4th – Papa and Fanny set off at 5 o’clock to St António da
Serra . fanny by invitation to spend a week and Papa to return the same day
via Camacha. We heard from Manoel in the evening that they too had a fine day
only a little cold and rain which astonished us as it had been almost a ? with
us. The Wellington came in and James sent us word that a Captain Valdwell
introduced by Mr Deane, whose letters were supposed to have preceded him, had
been to the house and passed through the Custom and established at the London
Hotel by him Papa being absent. Marion just called at the door to bring grapes
on her way from spending the day at the Alegria and Mr Montgomery arrived
soon after her departure. We were all permitted to go out to walk and I
performed the part of gooseberry picker to admiration dragging Julia off by
delicately insinuated main force leaving the principal and confident to talk as
many secrets as they pleased which is the more magnanimous as I am not permitted
to be a sharer in them – not I believe that it is Bella’s fault but Mr Hewson
has taken it into his head that I am a horrid spoilsport and moreover cannot
keep a secret if I would – I am sure he is mistaken – how I wish he would not so
misunderstand me to use a phrase I see in my two sisters journals – but I
suppose that with so much penetration he cannot long remain with the idea that I
am not to be trusted – I certainly do blush sometimes in rather awkward places
but my friends are accustomed to this weakness of mine and think I mean just
nothing. Mr M half expects his cousin tomorrow – I wish he would come. I want to
see whether he will seem changed – at least I am sure I shall regard him with
much more complacency than the last time he returned from St Anns for with good
cause I then thought him a heartless flirt and as such was justified in
disliking him with all my heart. Now I but like him again tho I think I shall
not like him so well as I did once till I have seen and spoken with him which I
am sorry but cannot help for tho’ fully convinced he is everything that is
charming and excellent a little of the feeling or impression of feeling which
caused me so unmercifully to abuse him a little while since sticks. Fanny and
Emma Tripp came to tea and after putting them on their horses Julia and I walked
up and down – she is a very nice girl – there is something so honest,
affectionate and sympathizing in her nature and if she does show her feelings
rather too strongly sometimes it is better than having none to show.
Saturday 5th – Mama went to town to execute commissions etc. and I
made pies and puddings in case Captain Caldwell should accept an invitation to
dinner today – but my trouble was in vain for we learnt from the Mosses and Kem
( who are staying with them on their way to St Helena and came to reide through
the Quinta ) there was a probability of Mr Hewson’s coming and a
certainty of Mr M so after working some time after dinner I took Julia up the
woods and on our return Mr M was just departing but before I could be informed
of anything that had passed Messrs Peter Cossart, Tom Slapp and Bayman appeared
with the intention of staying to tea and were nothing daunted at
hearing of the parents absence – and here they are now- it is very nice
wrong of me to leave them but I am so very sleepy and stupid that I do anything
but promote the amusement of the party and I must write this tonight. I then
proposed a moonlight walk which proposal met with great applause and as we were
just 3 pair and the moonlight and woods very delicious I forgot my sleepiness
and stupidity and found Peter quite agreeable on the history of the Jews.
Sunday 6th – On my reaching town this morning at 8 I found Papa
absent attending M H. aunts funeral so that we breakfasted not till 9. the Dart
come in but we did not read our letters till our return from Church where we
heard a very good sermon and received the Sacrament – Capt Caldwell sitting in
our pew – he is gentlemanly in appearance and good too for he stayed altho’
evidently not prepared to stay! Our letters were most delightful and so numerous
that we read them incessantly till 5 o’clock. I have two sweet affectionate ones
from Mama, I cannot help hoping I do live her a little in spite of my
coldheartedness, with some Sacrament books I had asked her to send me, also an
old one from Anne and from Miss M also a letter from Augusta de la Motte – very
grateful but in rather low spirits with no mention of Mr Gele perhaps they are
connected with him. Miss Harisson is married and Miss ? not, so that it is
rather disagreeable to think how she staid with us and how kind we were to her –
what a disgusting woman! And so ugly. Mr Pickens letters are most amusing and
contain a most glowing description of Kitty’s charms which he beheld the day he
spent at Bramby. If we are to believe half he says we may expect that she will
cut out all the belles of Madeira much praise for wine received and orders of
more, the Guillmonds, Dicks, Bacons and no end of strangers coming out – in
short the news is all delightful – I never felt so little unhappiness mixed with
my delight at receiving letters from England. I called on my way up on Miss M
North and as I found a Houghton with me I commissioned him to inform his sister
that we should be happy to take letters for her to Teneriffe and so escaped a
stupid visit. I reread the letters for the benefit of the mountaineers and soon
retired.
Monday 7th – I met Marion at the gate as she had particularly sent
for me and in return for all my news received a very nice and affectionate
letter from poor Katherine who has been in such distress at the people all dying
that she has not liked to write before. We were startled just before breakfast
with the apparition of Mr Montgomery his cousin having written to beg him to
come and see them – reason unknown as he is not worse, he just took our commands
and departed as Mr Freeman and brother just arrived, were waiting to accompany
him part of the way. I worked hard all the morning so allowed myself to write to
Mama in the afternoon and Papa came up after tea after which I still went on. He
brought up a word that it had been discovered that Capt Caldwell had brought us
no letters but to Mr Pimenta and there was a little row about it in which he
behaved like a gentleman – but he is poor – Mr Park speaks positively of sending
the Vernon to Teneriffe next voyage – about Decr.
Tuesday 8th – I wrote in the morning and found myself
with a headache all day in consequence of allowing myself a little sleep
– Capitão Vicente breakfasted and dined as he and Papa were making a
trigonometrica survey of the Quinta it seemed very unworthy of us not to
go and assist but it was very hot , we very busy, and after all we should have
understood nothing there being no one to explain. Marion came by daylight to tea
and got out candles for us and Mama
also appeared. Marion and I were only allowed to walk a very little way by
moonlight when we talked – as usual. I really think the way she speak of Mr
Hewson is quite beautiful – she will not allow that he ever meant any harm and
that it was her own fault. I of course gave her very sage advice and recommended
her not to come to conclusions so fast another time.
Wednesday 9th – I tried on dresses etc. from 6 o’clock and wrote from
7 to 8. Bella went down in the afternoon and I finished long letters to Mama
Evans and Arabella.
Thursday 10th – Capitão Vicente was again trigonometricalizing and
eat with us. Bella to town for good. Mama was also preparing to go down and
while in her room I heard a bell and screaming out rather too loud “Mr Hewson”.
I rushed out but it was only Mr Moss who sat and talked for a long time in a
most uninteresting manner. I certainly was not thinking of what I was saying and
when another bell sounded my agitation increased and I actually trembled so that
I could hardly speak, but I did manage and kept up a very connected conversation
till the door opened and he came in – again a cold shake of the hand – but he
was much nicer and I like him better than before. I like him now quite as well
as ever though “isn’t it funny” was all he said
to me as Mama soon took them down with her and we all walked to the gate
together. I am afraid he is no better he says so himself and in spite of his
burning he looks so thin and pale. But the Agina is coming in, now I hope the
voyage may do him good! Poor Marion came down to be comforted – he had passed
close to her on the road she being in the Adro, and though he evidently
saw her he not even smiled or bestowed one look of recognition. It seems very
rude and I wonder at the ever-polite being guilty of such a breach of good
manners, and unhappy I consented to go up to tea with her and succeeded
wonderfully in tranquillising her
mind. Her mother being in town we laid on the sofa all the evening and tho’ we
talked principally of Mr Hewson I don’t think we were vulgar, for I always
lecture her and advise her for the future and she openly confessed her faults
and promises to try to behave better in future but she has quite nonsense to her
again – that is maid and thinks no one will even talk nonsense to her again –
that is seriously or that she will be interested in it – I am inclined to think
this will not be the case – I am in hopes she has not, at 17, exhausted her
powers of loving which she seems to fear is the case and I think she could be
happier as a wife too than unmarried for she never could be satisfied without
someone to whom she could give and pour forth her whole heart – she is a very
nice child – I love her much better than ever did Arabella.
Friday 11th – I walked with Julia up the woods as it was perhaps the
last time but she was rather slow, in spite of her sympathetic nature she cannot
the least enter into or understand ones feelings on one subject so that subject
was not discussed or only in an indifferent manner, she however promised to tell
me some “amusing stories” whether relating to him or not I do not know, this day
year – I stayed with her till quite late and then went on by previous invitation
to meet Marion – Mrs Wallas on her way up from town had called at the St
Salvador and though him looking no
worse – she thinks well of him although so ill now and Marion says she is an
excellent judge – may she prove herself so in this case – I wonder if he has
been to see Bella today. M & I walk in the moonlight and sat on the wall where
we were disagreeably interrupted by Dr Broughton who stopped his horse an
immense time and we thought he never would leave us in peace again – at last he
but went and we renewed our interesting conversation – its subject as ever –
indeed poor dear Marion can neither think, feel nor speak on any other – I
really pity her very much and when I am gone and she has no sympathizing friend
to comfort and lecture her into comparative tranquillity I know not what will
become of her – she is so like a character in a book and I do hope she is as
mistaken in her belief in her own unchanging constancy as young ladies in books
are represented to be. I advised her to discard Byron and Lady Belssington and
confine her reading to more serious and less exciting works – to study German
and in short to do everything that is likely to assist her reason to triumph
over her imagination – not that I think poor dear child that it is all
imagination but I try to make her believe it . we compared notes about our
affection for Arabella and discovered to our mutual amusement that we had both
about in an equal degree humbugged ourselves and her with respect to the extent
and degree therof – but I am sure it was not our fault – how could we listen to
so many expressions of intense affection, so sweetly expressed and not work
ourselves up into the belief that we returned her love – but this and a few
other things were only small episodes and we did continually found ourselves
recurring to the main point, tho’ we did little more than go over the same
ground that we had often discussed before but still some new and rather
startling things, one of these that the last time they talked he told her he
liked her now quite as well as ever and he has been 5 times to see her this
summer – in the winter he used to go as many times in one week. I know he
deludes himself and has no idea he is saying what is not true, and she even says
so, but still it sounds funny and I quite approve of his culling her as he has.
Saturday 14th – Doing everything for the last time but I can’t say I
felt very sentimentally affected at the idea of the long respite from Charley
and Clara that I had before me. Marion came down about 4 and helped to entertain
Harry Young who called VDA, and then we went to the Mirante to watch for
Jane who never appeared tho’ we waited till after dark talking principally as
before. I am really astonished at my improvement in humbunging but great as it
is I am rather glad I am not exposed to any more trials. She talked “good” too
and really is I think inclined to be so but does not know how to set about it
now she has lost her advisor and guide. I am afraid I cannot supply his place.
Sunday 15th – To town before breakfast after taking a most affecting
leave of all and there found Fanny returned from the Serra . they drank
tea here on Friday and Saturday – he was not able to go to church but Malcom
walked a little with us on our way to the Convent when we submitted to a parting
embrace from Anna Yhegenia who requests us to bring presents from Teneriffe. We
lay on our beds all the day but I fear did little good for we couldn’t help
talking when we were not sleeping which the least caused us to do a good deal.
Mr Mowe dined and Eliza paid us a long visit – read Leigton in the
evening.
Monday 16th – I practised all the morning as well as I could
considering the heat which is intense and all the afternoon I did little good
till they came and I picked gooseberries a little – but Mama insisted in Bella
going out with her shopping and all that time we were standing in the window
explaining and talking about everything but he told me to be very careful what I
wrote so I will say no more but that I like him very very much – they stayed to
tea- Papa was very agreeable and facetious. I hope he is beginning to like him a
little better and the conversation was so funny, all about flirts, love and
marriage but with the greatest innocence – I think he seems better – he says he
thinks he shall be now and we were very happy, Mama writing a list of boarding
houses for Mr Picken and we helping her and they departed at 10.
Tuesday 17th – MSS as yesterday – she sat with me while I practised
and then as I was sitting in my room James gave us the melancholy intelligence
that the Packet was in sight. I couldn’t helps feeling rather sorry and yet it
is as well she should come in and not keep us any longer in suspense. We did not
get our letters till after dinner, Papa’s containing not much news of importance
only the wine is much approved and I had one from M. A. Finnis who is going to
give Henry Balston and introduction to me – his is a most interesting case – he
has been in love with Elisabeth Finnis all his life, in spite of her repeated
rejection of his suit which he says has been his death blow and as he is also in
a rapid consumptionhe is ordered out here tho’ almost without hope of deriving
benefit or even of reaching Madeira alive. I am so sorry I shall be away when he
arrives but patience J.M. Dart sailed too just as this time and we were in the
Counting House in all the bustle of receiving and despatching letters when the
Captain and the Dr of the Packet came to settle about taking us and I was rather
pleased with the Captain who seems determined to do everything agreeable and
when they were gone Messrs H & M came and Bella and I went upstairs with them.
Mr M reading his cousins letters in Don ? Hall and I in the passage above
waiting for Eliza who appeared about 5 and went with me to look at packing etc.
till Mama came and we all went into the library and then Dr Oliveira came to
wish us goodbye in the drawing room and Mary and the others stayed to tea. It
was not so nice as yesterday – all very unhappy and Eliza quite sorry I do
believe that we are going but will soon be back again. I had the misfortune to
differ in opinion with two of my friends so they are very angry but it was all
for the best and I am quite sure I am right and if they did not follow my advice
they would repent afterwards.
Wednesday 17th Tom Edwards and Mr Montgomery called to take leave and
wish goodbye and Mary to spend the morning – I wrote this and
to Marion as I shall be too sick on board – and the packing all done and
Captain and Dr arrived we sat down to dinner and as soon as it was over walked
down to the beach accompanied by Mama, Papa, Mary and Mr Temple who called with
a letter – our parting was not very affecting – not a tear shed on either side ,
we certainly are a very unsentimental family and then we went on board the
“wave” which we had previously requested to honor and soon found ourselves
climbing up the side of Her Majesty’s Packet Lapwing. We have the state cabin to
ourselves which is a great luxury ad it is large and well furnished, though
rather badly off in the way of air as there is only a little window a the top.
Papa and the “waves” did not leave us for some time ant they would able to take
a good report of us as we directly made ourselves perfectly at home and were
quite welll but no sooner had they departed then the enemy came and the emetic
triumphed so melancholy over the pathetic that I could not help thinking more of
my own pitiable situation than of those I was leaving behind. Nevertheless I
managed to sit up and watch pretty Madeira fading away and it was not till might
and it was quite out of sight that I was fairly obliged to go over the side. Oh
the horrors! And there were Bella and Capt Colesworth, the only English
passengers looking at the moon, walking up and down enjoying a most enviable
flirtation, while I poor victim, grasping the Captains hand to keep me from
tumbling into the sea could only raise my head between whiles to look at her and
even then could not feel much interested, so as soon as I was safe and could
tear Bella from her interesting tete a tete we went down and at last
managed to tumble into bed when I slept a little.
Thursday 18th - Being
nearly suffocated in our close cabin we rushed on deck with all speed and they
had the amiability to bring up a mattresses pillows and all such things on deck
and put an awing round as well as above us so that we were quite shut in and as
comfortable as our pitiable situation admitted of, for Bella was beginning to
give in a little. We remained all the morning unmolested except when the
unsympathizing steward came to ask if we would have poached or fried eggs, roast
beef or chicken pea soups etc. the mention of which things seemed to us slightly
disgusting. Bella was able to read a little and in the afternoon and evening to
resume her little flirtation, but I could only sleep, think or grumble, though
occasionally compelled to reply to a few observations of the Capt. Who was
really very kind as he did everything he could for us, which is the more
gentlemanly as he refused to take any passage money for us, but he is very
gentlemanly and gentle too, and gives his orders almost in a whisper which is a
great improvement on that horrid Captain Selby whose conversation even on common
occasions principally consisted of baths and other such agreeable things. We
wished so much that it might be permitted to sleep on deck but it would not have
been correct and of course the Capt. Would not allow it so about 9 we were
obliged to exchange the cool, fresh air and the pretty stars for the wretched
cabin our only consolation being that it was our last might for altho’ we had
been going only 6 or 7 knots all day we expected to arrive at our destination
tomorrow.
Friday 19th – the Capt. Awakened us with the joyful intelligence that
land was in sight and that we should reach it in an hour and a half – it was
then half past 5 so we quickly made ready and went up but were much disappointed
at finding it so cloudy that the Peak was scarcely visible and only occasionally
at all and we soon lost sight of it entirely. I was so fortunate as to be well
enough to fell somewhat interested in watching our gradual approach and the
gradually increasing distinctness of all the objects – it seems so strange that
after so many disappointments we should actually be within sight of Teneriffe –
it looks very barren and not so pretty as Madeira but much larger, not so high
and the town not so large – three windmills looked so English, but everything
else extremely foreign – more so than Senechal. At about 9 the Capt. Took us on
shore and on the magnificient Mole we found Mr Bartlett, the Consul, a stupid
looking old man with white hair, and Mr Hamilton who welcomed us most kindly as
if he quite expected us and took us immediately to his house which is on the
beach ? in, I should imagine, the best and nicest part of the town. It is very
old and large, a quadrangle with galleries all round inside and an awing above
so that it is cool as may be with the thermometer at 80, and reminds one of ?
pictures one has seen but I forget what of ? Mrs Hamilton came out to the top of
the stairs and was so sweet and happy to see us – kissed and called us Bella and
Mary, shewed us our room the most comfortable in the house all ready arranged
for us as if we had been anxiously expected and made us feel immediately quite
at home. Her little “inhabitant” is to be disinhabitated in a month but she is
so active and lively rushing about and talking and laughing that it is wonderful
and she is so pretty, I am quite in love with her, and she talked so prettily
about her baby, when we had given all the immediately interesting Madeira news,
saying what an interest and amusement it would be to her because she now felt
rather lonely sometimes as her husband cannot be much with her and there is not
a decent English woman near and the Spanish ladies, she says tho she likes some
of them very much, she cannot make friends of. Our luggage being arrived we went
to clean ourselves and on returning to the drawing room found a clerk – Mr Bruce
– to whom we were introduced – the veriest wretch that ever was seen, vulgar,
awkward, uncouth, with a huge beard all under his chin and an ugly horrid face
and she calls him a “nice gentlemanly young man”! poor dear lady! – it shows to
what a state she must be reduced to be so satisfied with such a horror. There is
also a little nephew of 15, just nothing apparently but a rather forward boy,
fond of hearing himself speak. At dinner which was at 3 we naturally discussed
all Madeira news and she was of course much interested. Mr Hamiltom is a much
nice man than I had thought – not at all slow and is beautifully fond of his
wife and is careful of her but how could he help loving such a little darling. I
suppose he was in love when we knew him at Madeira which made him appear stupid,
he not being such an adept in acting as some others. After dinner as Bella and I
were sitting at the window working and talking of this, the door opened and a
pretty little lady come in who shook hands with us in a most cordial manner and
sat down opposite, which proceeding created some little astonishment in our
minds but we just went on with our work till Mrs H entered and introduced us to
the Governor’s lady who is, I believe, rather a favourable specimen and nicer
looking I think than Portuguese women. They talked a good deal and I was obliged
to discover that I could understand much of the tenor of their conversation. I
think I’ll learn if Mr Smith will teach me. We staid some time after she
departed, looking out of the window which commands a very good view of the bay
and the mountain on one side. There is also a nice looking kind of garden just
in front, something like the garden at Kent Terrace, and they have paves in all
the streets which are so wide and large that its quite grand and in most
respects there seems to be more civilization than at Madeira but Spaniards are
more respectable than Portuguese. At 6 Messrs Hamilton and Bruce came to walk
with us but we had only proceeded once up the Plaza when it began to rain and we
were obliged to return for which I was sorry, the more so as I was so dreadfully
sleepy and tired all the rest of the evening that I could hardly help shutting
my eyes as well as my mouth which must have appeared very stupid but we were
happily allowed to retire before 9 and again enjoy the luxury of plenty of water
and other cleanliness’s to which we had long been strangers. The mosquito
curtains were rather alarming but they answered their purpose and we slept in
great peace and happiness.