heart I am afraid I think a great deal too much of him, but I told him not this, but began abusing him with all my might, for he wanted to know what I thought of him. I said I thought he was inconstant and insincere (in manner, for I am not to think him really insincere any more) and I said that in another year he would go away from Madeira and forget us all, although as his fickle custom he likes is all very much now, and that “other maids in other lands” would soon drive us all from his recollection. So of course he called me wicked and all that kind of thing, and declared that when he made friends, for I knew the basis on which he desired to form all his friendships, they were for life, that out of Madeira he had only two friends, and that every one else he did indeed forget soon, although he might enjoy their society for the time. Then I said that this was the case with every one, that he liked to be with every one and to talk nonsense to every one, but that he was incapable of feeling real friendship or something of this kind. At which he was much more angry and said I was contradicting myself because just before I had professed to believe how much he liked Bella, and that I did not know him in the least if such was my opinion of him, but I know him better than he thinks, which perhaps he guesses. So we made it up and I asked him what he thought the worst feature in my character, and he said contempt for the opinion of others, which I denied, as one of my greatest humps is love of approbation, but then he said it was only the love of my friends I cared for, and not general opinion, and the thinks I am a little selfish but had not found out that I was jealous, altho’ he says it is his worst fault. His horse having cast a shoe, he could not go all the way home with me, and we parted at the beginning of this discussion of character, but we hoped to renew it some day, and he says he wants me to know his so much and will answer any question I choose to ask him about himself. We parted charming friends after a more charming ride, especially the latter part, but he does not like me so well as I like him, but he does like me a little I think. It was not late when I got home, but I staid so long talking to Bella that most of the company was assembled before I entered the drawing room, where I found a numerous and brilliant assembly, 45 people – Shores, Wallases, Blandys, Wardropes, Rosses, Hewsons, Haywards, and various men besides five Miss Tripps, who sat in a row and spoke not all the evening, tho’ Susan excited much admiration from Richard Shore. Bella was not allowed to leave her bed. Even so she did not hear much of the music but had frequent visits from her friends, who enlivened her solitude. Agostinho, horrid man, was practising for the TE Deum, so we could have neither Trios nor overtures, but the singing was splendid, and so was the Patelieu, the Mount of Clives, Egmont and another solo by Mr Lowe. Lulu and Dussek’s duet also went very tolerably without him, and very one said they were very happy. Mr Hewson did not speak to me once hardly, nor much to any one, but kept fluttering from one young lady to another, and making his peace also with M. who had cut him rather – reason unknown. I should have been happy of the violincello had been there, but it bothers me so when anything goes wrong. All the Haywards except Mr Hewson, who was not going, begged very much of me to go to Caniçal tomorrow, and I consented, but Mama half refused because Bella’s sick, so should I be, etc. when everyone was gone Mr Hewson and I stood such a long time talking so deliciously under the clock, and I was so amused at Malcolm going away and leaving us alone as if I had been Bella or Marion. He begged me now to go tomorrow, for he said he would go if I went, and as we are both sick we could sympathise with one another, so this of course made me wish to go more than ever till I presently began to consider that we should not be able to renew our discussion in the boat, or even among the rocks, as we were so scolded at the Gorgulho, and also that without Bella was much better I should not like to leave her all alone. These considerations much damped my ardour, especially as I might perhaps have a ride of I did not go, so we came to bed and talked not on the staircase.

engaged to go with us) and then they stood talking so long at the top of the stairs that I was again obliged to sent them away, at which he again looked much astonished, so I don’t know of he is gone away in a rage. I wish he would not be different at different times. He never said one word about renewing the discussion.

Friday 5^th - We began to dust the books and scour the shelves in the library and at 11 I wrote to ask Julia to go with me to the Te Deum as I had yesterday told Mr Hewson I was afraid Mama would not judge it correct for us to go alone. Presently after I had put on my bonnet and was awaiting the answer Mr Bunter came to pay a visit, and hearing I was in distress for a chaperone to the Catedral he offered to take charge of me if it was etiquette so to do, but as I preferred going with Mr Hewson I refused and kept watching out of the window till I heard the pony’s foot when I ran out and found Mr Hewson with a note from Julia saying she could not go as I thought I could not I went up and tool off my bonnet and deposited Mr Hewson in the library where he was presently joined by Bella, who left her room without permission. Mr Bunter being gone we went down and all our endeavours to obtain a chaperone having failed, Mr Hewson persuaded us that it would do his head no harm, for it was out of consideration for him that we did not accept his offers of service before and not from prudery which Mama says she hates and so do I, and we set off with Clara and Charley and after some trouble obtained the key of the gallery which we found almost empty with no English, and so we had excellent cool seats and were very happy listening to the music which was very pretty and seemed to be a collection of all the tunes that were ever invented. It was not over till ½ past 1 and he walked home with me altho’ engaged to dine at 1 as they are going to ride to Câmara de Lobos and he asked me to go too only I could not because of the library. He said he did not think it selfish of me to make him go with me so I hope he did not and he was very nice so I have quite forgiven him for yesterday. He made me take hold of his arm of which I was much ashamed but as we come by a back way no one saw us so it did not signify. We worked all day intensely hard at the library and went to bed entirely dead. Miss Ross called in the morning and was so sorry she had not known I was in want of a chaperone as she would have been so happy to have gone with me more than I should with her.

Saturday 6^th -Today we cleaned the bookcase in the little drawing room and the drawers in the library which while we were doing Mr Hewson paid Bella a visit in the drawing room which no one knew of but me, and I heard him come. At three o’clock I was by appointment at the Angustias whence after a little delay I set off with Richard and Arabella round St Antonio. I was much amused all the way with poor Richards in-effectual endeveaours to discover what we were talking about his apologise for his deafness. We were fighting (A. and I) the whole way. She will not be persuaded that I am not in love with Mr Hewson or at any rate that he is not with Bella, and that my “serene and benevolent countenance” is caused by my interest in their happenings. She will neither believe that I run no chance of forfeiting my respectability in his eyes or the eyes of the world by allowing him to call me Mary, to ride with me and walk alone etc. which is all intolerable humbug for I know he has as much of not decidedly more respect for me than for any other young lady in Madeira and I know he neither thinks me bold nor brazen as Arabella almost thinks he does. On our return we found the Rabaçal party already arrived having enjoyed themselves beyond measure though having suffered vicissitudes enough one would think, to kill 10 ordinary mortals, such as being kept out of their house till 11 o’clock at night and being entirely devoured with bugs and fleas when they did make good their entrance by the help of a hammock pole, with which after ½ hour of their united exertions they broke open the door. Jack Sheppard would hence have been an invaluable person. All the story having been well discussed, Mama took me to call on Mrs Carter who was at Miss Prevost’s when we afterwards went and staid an immense time till I was on the point of falling asleep. We descried Charles Hayward and Murdoch on the Praça at some distance, and as it become dark Mama hailed them and made them escort her home, and we retired to rest nearly dead.

Sunday 7^th - Bella not able to go to Church so Mr Hewson came and read Keble to her while we were receiving the Sacrament which I think she ought not have allowed, and he staid to dinner but did not walk to Church with me because Papa called him back just as I was going out of the door. The Shores having been visited by the Wallases and being much charmed with them (altho’ till now Arabella has always been loud in her abuse of them) walked with us on the river side all in a heap, which was very uncomfortable so when we had been round once Mr Hewson and I left them to walk farther and came home. He was very nice but we had not time to continue our discussion much, but he told me he did not think my selfishness “disagreeable obtrusive” which I was afraid he did, and we hope to continue the subject tomorrow for he says he is so very anxious that I should ask him all and everything I want to know about him, and let him also find out a little more about me. Mr Picken and the Haywards were there and were very tiresome, or else I was bored or tired, and I was glad when they departed. I am to ride with him to Camacha tomorrow if Eliza goes to stay and bring him back –very nice.

it is my greatest fault. He thinks I have a remarkably sweet temper, not from stupidity and indifference but from principle, and he would hardly believe I was naturally sulky, which I am glad of as it shows I hope that I have in great measure overcome this. I was also more fortunate in my guesses about him that I was yesterday. He owns to his natural passionateness, but he hopes he has much subdued it, and he also agrees that his principles which are only lately acquired have not yet entirely changed his practice, which he acknowledges has not been exactly all he could wish, and how should it with the education he has had? An only and spoilt child and a gay and dissipated youth, till illness I believe, for he did not exactly tell me so, led him to think more seriously, so that he says I must make great allowances for him and so I will. And he thinks that his principles will not last only as long as his sickness but all his life long, as he is convinced that they alone can make him happy and good. When we were tired, at least not tires, of talking of ourselves, we went on to Bella who he knows so much more thoroughly than he does me and he said things so true of her that I was quite astonished, but he hopes that in the summer we shall have more opportunities of knowing one another better, and I hope so too, for surely there is no place so nice to talk on as those pretty woods. I told him I liked people for scolding me, and he said that if he was given to like people for the same reason he ought to like me very much “which I do”. It is the first time he has ever called as “dear”, which he has done to every other young lady in Madeira that he knows as well, for a long time. While we were in Bella’s garden Papa sent for us to be quick home as it become late, so we proceeded to the house where we found Mama just arrived from the Lowes, where she had been dining and had found them so agreeable that she could not leave them before. She and Papa then came down, letting us go on in front very quietly talking, principally of Arabella. He had no idea before that she knew Latin and Greek and wrote beautiful poetry. We called on the Tripps and heard that Sophy had a bad attack of fever so that we did not get into town till some time after the others, having both enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Tuesday 9^th - Mama and Papa went out to pay visits and Mr Hewson came to read to, but fought with, Bella till dinner. In the afternoon as Mama was going to read Henry 8^th I persuaded her to let Bella write to her accustomed audience, and as Mr Hewson considers it highly incorrect for young ladies and gentleman to write, Bella and I concocted a note which we thought could shock his notions of propriety beginning thus “Miss Phelps presents her comps. To Mr Hewson etc, to which he replied in the same strain and he and Mr Montgomery came about 6. Mr Bayman was pre-engaged. I was so very sick after tea that I was obliged to go to bed, but the party did not break up till past 11.

Wednesday 10^th - Mr Hewson went away before breakfast to write letters by a vessel which sailed at 11, but he did not come till 12 in consequence of a speech Mama made before him about the tiresomeness of Mr Bunter paying such an early visit, which the poor little man has taken into his head was meant as a hint to him and we cannot persuade him to the contrary. He said to Bella “Oh if you knew how much I dislike coming here”, so she insisted on his coming every morning, and laughed at him most unmercifully I believe, so they did not read much of Rokeby. I was very sick all day and lay on my bed and finished Charles V and Columbus, besides reading Humphreys Clock, which appears most unworthy of Dickens. Mr Picken called with one of his views of the Rabaçal so I just went down to see it but soon came up again and immediately after tea went to bed.

Thursday 11^th - At 4 o’clock up put on my bonnet and went into the drawing room on my way out to the Shores. There I found Mr Hewson patiently looking out of the window and being informed whither I was bound he told me that Arabella and Richard had just passed the window, so I ran after them and found that they had given me up as I was so late, and were on their way to the Ropes, so I joined them, and we paid our visits before we returned to the Angustias, where I presently found myself comfortably reposing on Arabella’s bed and she reading to me. While thus peacefully engaged, we were interrupted by the bursting open of the door and the rushing in of the two Wallases, who staid some time. Marion taking Ara’s place begged me to enquire of her which of us she liked best, as she is very anxious to know if she has cut me out yet, but this I would not very well do, as truth to write I did feel a slight touch of jealousy, though I believe without cause, for Arabella’s liking for me has gone on so steadily and unchangingly increasing that I think it is by this time rather too strong to be spoilt by a young lady of Marion’s character. After they departed and the Canto was finished, she laid down by me till tea time when Mama joined the party. She had been riding up to Mr Hewson’s house with him and Bella, and had been left at the Angustias coming home. The meal being concluded, Arabella and I returned to our comfortable quarters much to the disgust of Richard and Mackworth, who insisted that it was very unsociable, but I was in rather a melancholy mood and Arabella comforted me by bestowing a great deal of blarney upon me in a very soothing way. Not that she means to say untruth or more than truth, but her imagination makes her see good qualities in me which I fear do not really exist. We remained talking very happily till Mama called me at 11 to walk home with her. I do not think I have yet been able to convince Ara that I am more in love with Mr Hewson than with her. I forgot to say that in the morning, while I was doing the border of Mrs Lowe’s hearth rug with Mama, she told me that she was afraid of Mr Hewson’s imagining she wanted to catch him, and that was the reason she often did not ask him here when she otherwise would, and all my demonstrations and arguments were of no avail to remove this mistaken notion. I even told her of his speech about disliking to come here, and still she would persist on believing that he thinks or is in danger of thinking that she is interestedly kind to him, and tho’ she acknowledges that I may know him individually better than she does, yet that I am not so well acquainted with the genus as she, for she says she knows that all young men without exception think that all mothers want to catch them for their daughters. Such an idea! But I don’t care!

Russel is so soon to depart I was commanded to go and take a last lesson in the art of making pies and puddings which I did till past 11, when I came and wrote this, Mr Hewson reading to Bella. The Lowes to dine by previous invitation, and Mr Hewson on the spur of the moment. The Lowes were very agreeable, but yet we were slightly slow, and Mr Hewson seemed actually bored and even disgusted with some very warm expressions in favour of roads, which Mama and Mr Lowe made use of, and also at Mrs Lowe who turned round to him and gravely inquired if he had read “Mysteries of Udolphe”, which is or was a very favourite book of hers. Mr Lowe made me take so much wine with him that I became a headache which went on increasing all the day. After dinner we all went up to look at Bellas shells from which Mr Lowe wanted to take some for his collection, and about an hour after when they were all dispersed as I was coming downstairs Mr Hewson rushed out of the library where he left Bella to repose and told me to tell him all Mama had been saying to me in the morning, because Bella wouldn’t. So we stood in our old fighting place and I told him all nearly in as delicate manner as I could, but he soon ran down in a fright and said he supposed he should be scolded for talking to me as he still cannot get the right idea into his head, i.e, that Mama is afraid of our being too fond of him, and not he of us. The Lowes went on board the Vernon and he up to his house about 6 and then Mr Picken came and with the children escorted me to the Haywards, Bella not being well enough to go. We were not exactly slow but very quiet, all sitting round the table after tea and discussing novels etc and Julia pouring Eau de Cologne on my head, and then quarrelling with Mr Hewson for the cork for an hour afterwards. He had been whispering to me that he wanted so much to speak to me but there was no opportunity till just as I was going downstairs just behind George, who walked home with me, when he came and said he wanted to know if Mama would object his going to read to Bella tomorrow so I said NO, and went on.

Saturday 13^th - Mr Hewson in the morning and the Shores being engaged to ride with Mama at ½ past 11 appeared at 2, causing her to go without any dinner but some sandwiches. Papa returned from the North about 4 with a bad cold, they having had continual bad weather and a good deal of rain. He found Mr Hewson here but was not enraged, this gentleman having lately ordered some wine which has much increased Papa’s affection for him, which till now has bee anything but warm. At 6 he left us to go to his house. The wretched Earl Grey has or pretends to have a sore back, so we have not been able to ride him all this time. We worked at Mrs Lowe’s rug all the afternoon, and in the evening drank tea with the Rosses, Mama, the two children and I, Bella being still indisposed. The Shores were the only people there besides ourselves and Arabella, and I might have been so happy, only that odious Mr Ross would follow us wherever we went, for the purpose of telling Arabella that Wordworth and Byron were fine poets, and the former a better man than the latter. Coming home however we managed to escape from his and had a nice walk together. She told me in answer to a question to which Marion told me to ask her that she liked me much the best and I can’t help hoping that she always will.

Sunday 14^th - Two beautiful sermons. In the afternoon we all walked together for the last time, which consideration made us quite sentimental, especially Mr Hewson, who was quite pathetic in his lamentations, for he seems to think he will never be allowed to see us up at the Mount, but I hope and believe that we shall not be so persecuted as he seems to anticipate. We all went and sat on the wall at the top of the riverside, except Mr Hewson and Bella, who was too weak to walk beyond a certain seat half way up. Marion and I had actually an interesting conversation and not a word of Mr Hewson, who she is now I believe likes Bella considerably more than her. We kept our spirits a little by a provoking thing that Marion said. She declared she would tell Mr Montgomery something I had said, and which I did not choose should be repeated, so as we were already at the bottom of the Torrentia Hill we all rushed up it screaming and making a tremendous row, which was most incorrect behaviour, especially for Sunday, and Mr Hewson stood looking at us in silent horror as well he might.

Monday 15^th - I was all the morning on my knees scouring an old sickly desk to which I have taken fancy, and comparing myself to Henrietta and Mrs Robinson, then writing this till dinner, and reading a little to repose myself and recruit for the fatigues of packing yet to come. After dinner Mama gave us some table cloths to cut up, which occupied us till 6 so that we did not set off to the Torrentia till 7, I walking arrived there first, and Bella who was on the pony some time afterwards, as she went round by the Haywards to hear about the Caniçal party, which is not to be yet, and Mr Hewson who had been riding solitary to Camacha walked part of the way with her. After tea Mrs Wallas was graciously pleased to allow us to go into the schoolroom, where we sat very quietly and happily after our fatigue, for it had been very hot, and talking more in the same style as we had at the Mount with Marion, who I have been for some time persuading myself not to like because Bella insisted that she cared not for us, which she now allows me much to doubt so that I permit my inclinations to go as they are naturally inclined. They forgot to sent for us so they sent us down, and we were not in bed till past 11.

Tuesday 16^th - Fanny, Clara, Charley and I went up to the Mount to breakfast, and had to wait for it till 9. After dusting and arranging my room, which I did very comfortably. Fanny helping me she henceforth to be my bedfellow, I found to my surprise and delight that nothing remained for us to do except just to take care the children did not kill themselves, and give the men wine, so I quietly read Prolius till dinner time, and then Wallanstein till near 7, when Bella and Mr Hewson arrive, they having till then looking at Mr Lowe’s shells, but as they proceeded immediately to he bower I saw no more of them till he was gone and I took his place there. Mama came up to tea at 9 o’clock and then insisted on Fanny reading the Widow Barnaby to us, which effectually prevented our going to sleep, which after the fatigue we were supposed to have endured might have been more advisable.

Wednesday 17^th - I taught Charley and with Aninha’s helps cleaned my desk, which after the operation remained as before. At dinner Mama made known to us her determination of receiving no visitors in the morning and that she should tell Mr Hewson so, as there being only one sitting room she could not conveniently receive him there and she does not approve of Bella playing Patty out in the garden, in which I think she may perhaps be right, for however inclined she may most naturally be to take that accomplished young lady for her model, yet I fear it might not be altogether discreet so to do. So he is to come in the afternoon and hear Shakespeare. In the afternoon I read aloud a sentimental poem till interrupted by Miss Berridge and Maria Tripp, with whom Mama went to walk, and Bella and I in another direction and to watch for Papa, who presently arrive without any news. We sat in Bella’s arbour till so late that tea was not concluded till near 9, so I went to bed, it being my practice to get up here at 5 and walk two hours before breakfast instead of 1.

Thursday 18^th - Corpus Christi. It being a holiday Papa remained up all day, and I having taught Charley walked in the woods till dinner and finished Mitchell’s Life of Wallanstein, which tho’ interesting is very oddly written, and contains much abuse of Napoleon, who the author thinks utterly unworthy of comparison with his here. As I never read a history of Napoleon and know nothing of him, I cannot tell. Mama and Papa walked together domestic all the afternoon, and Bella and I watched at the gate till 5 0’clock for Mr Hewson, who was to have come at 4 but could not on account of the heat. He had been intensely bored all day at the Selbys, who had assembled a large party for the whole day for the purpose of seeing a procession, which passed in a minute and left the unhappy company with nothing to do but yawn and be bored. They went to the arbour and I stationed myself on a seat a little above for propriety, and then read nearly a vol. of Kate Leslie, a most disgusting and vulgar and ill written novel recommended by Fanny, who I should have given credit for better taste. As it was getting late we then went in search of the parents, after having encountered he wished them goodbye and departed, after having been duly informed by Mama of the hours when she would choose to see him. In spite of my earnest entreaties she would not ask him to spend the day tomorrow, which would be so nice as till the piano arrives we have plenty of time.

Friday 19^th - Papa departed soon after 6 and I read Carlyle’s Chartism which alas like his other books I vainly endeavoured to comprehend. Really the words are so very long and hard, and besides one requires the help of a German dictionary to put half of them back into their original language, and after all I don’t the least know what Chartism is, for this indeed he does not attempt to explain. Charlotte and Gertrude da Câmara came by Harriet’s invitation to spend two days here. The weather is most exquisitely delicious, blue sky, warm sun and cool breeze, and the trees and the flowers are so sweet. It would be impossible I think to be unhappy here, even if one were so inclined, which I rejoice to say I am not. I always feel so much more innocent and happy up here than in town, and make such good resolutions to remain so, which the first opportunity that offers I make a point of breaking, which is wrong and a pity. This year being older, and, as Mr Hewson says, wiser, I will try to do better. In the afternoon I read in and about the house, Bella being as usual fast asleep till Mama called me to go up the Quinta with her, and after tea I read one of Mrs Sherwood’s alone.

but wish to finish as it is very short, and I like to read one book through of a man I hear so much about, I was called in to read Mrs Sherwood to Mama and the children. Bella and Fanny rode to town after dinner, and Mr Ross accompanied them, he having called on his way down to inform us that Mrs Gordon was very ill in bed. They drank tea with the Haywards, we but peacefully finished Frederick Falconer, a very pretty story, and then I walked in the garden and on my return had the pleasure of finding that some of the Packet letters had been sent up, i.e, from M.A.F. to me and from Anne Vansittart and Augusta Nicholl to Bella. Papa presently arrived with very tolerably good news and also a letter from Anne Evans to me – nice and affectionate but again not a word of Joseph, which is very unkind.

Sunday 21^st - Mama would not let me go to Church, so I staid and said my catechism with the children as usual, and all the rest of the day peacefully read Mrs Sherwood, which alas I have now finished, and St Cyprian’s Treatises, which I don’t like at all, only interrupted by a visit from Mr Bunter. In the evening I also read some aloud to Mama, who agreed in thinking the chapter on Virgins impious as well as indecent. Poor little Câmaras not much edified I much fear.

Monday 22^nd - After mending Fanny’s stockings for some time while Mama read, we were all dragged out to be broiled in the sun while we witnessed the transfer of some miserable gold and silver fish from one pond to another. After dinner I dispatched notes and such like to Bella, and begun letters to M.A.F. Anne and Miss M. and then read St Cyprian, which I think great humbug, and as Mama took possession of Miss Tripp who called, I went to the Mirante to wait for Eliza Hayward and Mr Hewson, who Bella had privately informed me was coming with her. At last they came, but he was horridly stupid or melancholy, and went away soon after we joined Mama, as it was late, without giving me an opportunity even of telling him I had a scolding for him. He said that if Bella was not well enough to got to Camacha, he would not go, which as I was going was remarkably rude for such a courteous gentleman. Miss Tripp staid to tea, and thought she departed early we were not in bed till rather late, as Eliza came into my room and talked for an hour on the all engrossing topic. She does not think so ill of him as I do for never receiving the Sacrament, for she says we must make such great allowances, and she thinks he talks to me and to her and likes us both very much in the same manner.

Tuesday 23^rd - I was up and out at 7 notwithstanding my late going to bed, but I was not able to read much, being called in to write etc, to town, and other things. The Câmaras went home immediately after breakfast. I gave Eliza Haynes Bayley’s story to read, and she was as infinitely amused and interested as we had been at the heroes resemblance to our Frederick. Bella sent word that she was too ill to go to Camacha, so she is to come up here today. While I was reading St Cyprian aloud she arrived, but hardly a moment was allowed us after a three day’s absence, for I was torn from the arms of my beloved sister to accompany Mama. We met the Shores coming up to see us, which was a great bore, as we were unable to return with them, and were compelled to bid adieu to Richard on the high read. We then went down to Mr Hewson ‘s house, but we found there no one but Maria, as the gents are not to take up their residence there till tomorrow, so Mama wrote a note asking them to spend tomorrow at the Mount. The Lowes were out when we arrived at their house, and we had to wait more than an hour for them, as the note announcing our intended visit had not reached them. But they were glad to see us, and we being presently joined by Papa sat down to tea. The conversation was principally, as usual, relating to the Church, and poor Mr Rally was dreadfully abused, we taking his part against the Lowes, with whom we fought on every subject that was introduced. Mama tried to bring in St Cyprian but did not succeed, so when Mr Lowe took me into another room to look at shells I began talking about and abusing him, for which he of course scolded and lectured me, saying that his interpretations of Scripture were the real ones and ours the fanciful, but still I was unconvinced, and so I am by almost all his arguments. Indeed he is so violent and goes, I am sure, so much too far in his exclusiveness, that he is more in danger of o disgusting me as to make me Low Church instead of higher than I am, which I think is high enough in all conscience. And yet how can one be disgusted with anything Mr Lowe says or does? Mama and Papa went upwards and I downwards with only King in the dark night, and I was not in bed till past 12, not Fanny, who returned from the Rosses where she had been drinking tea about the same time. Mrs Lowe did not wish me Goodbye at all affectionately.

Wednesday 24^th -The heat or anxiety, I know not which, woke us at ½ past 5, so we slept no more, and presently rose and dressed ourselves, and while the horses were getting ready I went to pay M.L. Oliveira a visit. She returned with her family some days since in the Funchal, and looks much the same as before. We were at the Rosses punctually at 7, but our chaperons being still unprovided with a horse, we thought it more advisable to ride on slowly, but we were soon overtaken, not by her, but by George Lewis, who attached himself to us and was a great bore for Miss Ross and Mr Lea did not come up with us till we were nearly at Camacha. There were not many people assembled yet, so after we had breakfasted Fanny and I set off to the Taylors, whence we brought Julia, and then we all with Mr Bean for our guide, set forth to make the grand tour of his grounds. Julia and I walked behind and talked very happily till we met the party returning from the Parks, and she said we should be scolded for remaining so long together, and we had better join them, so we went and sat altogether in Mr Taylor’s hayfield. A move being presently proposed, they went home, and Julia and I went to pay our visit to Mrs Park or rather to her new houses, which will be a very nice one. And then we returned and sat in the library till dinner looking at the books and watching the arrival of Temples, Elicotts, Penfolds, Selbys, Wardrope, etc in all 50 were assembled at the dinner and Mr Fitz James were strangers. I was most unhappily placed between old James Gordon and Maggie Wardrope, and altho’ there was an immensity of fun and laughing and toast drinking I found it unutterably slow and dull, especially as I was dreadfully sleepy and rather headachy. It was over at 5. What a relief! Miss Ross and I laid on the two sofas in the library for some time and I read Lady Blessington’s Confessions of an Elderly Gentleman, which though I think more wicked than the governess in infinitely better written. But I certainly can never do one any god to read such books, whatever I may say to the contrary in the heat of argument with Mr Hewson. Then I went to the hayfield and was much amused witnessing the romping from the top of a haycock, where I was most comfortably reposing, and if any hay come upon me I quickly threw it off and remained perfectly unharmed. I was so comfortable that I was quite sorry when I perceived that all the ladies had left the field, and as it was getting dark I thought it more advisable for Fanny and me to return, so we all came to the house where we had tea and a little singing, and then at about 9 we mounted our horses. It was almost entirely dark, and we had only two or three torches, but tho’ we must have been about 20 in number and tho’ we rode quickly, no accident happened, which I much fear would have been the case. Harry Young rode all the way with me, and we talked very rationally, and I rather like him. Nevertheless I would be sorry to set my cap at him, although he has £ 1500 a year . Major Lucas was the only person who escorted the whole way to our door, which appears to me unpardonably rude. On the whole I had been happy tho’ not extravagantly so, that is to say about as happy as any other day, but my head ached awfully, and I was not home till past 11.

Thursday 25^th - Up at ½ past 6, as we had many things to arrange. Papa walked down and put us on our horses at 7, so that we reached the Mount in excellent time. They had a very pleasant day yesterday, altho’ Mr Hewson had been very sick and the weather cloudy as we had had, but the innocent Malcolm was exceedingly happy running about the Quinta and enjoying himself immensely. Mama and Russel went down soon after breakfast, the only people who were properly affected at her departure besides myself being Anna and Arthur, who however soon dried their tears. I wrote this and did nothing till dinner time, and then I went up to the Wallases who were so happy to see me that they would not let me come away till past 5, when Jane accompanied me down to get some books. Their Quinta is not very nice but we walked about immensely, which, added to my past fatigues, made me so tired that I went with Eliza and fell asleep in Bella’s arbour, and was only awakened by the tea bell. After tea we sat down some time talking and we laughed a great deal.

Friday 26^th - We neither of us awake till 7, which was very excusable and I wrote a note to Julia to accept an invitation to the Caniçal party, which is at last to be on Monday next. After Charley, as I fancied my room was going to be turned out, I went to the garden and finished St. Cyprian, which I am beginning to like better, and after dinner I wrote to Anne Evans, Miss M. and M.A. Finnis so long and fast that I was quite tired, and much relieved when Eliza came for me to go out with her, and we went and sat in the woods with much satisfaction. I like her so much. I am sure Mr Hewson has improved her immensely. Poor man, I am afraid he must be sick by his not appearing all this time, and on St John’s day he was not well. Being called in by the bell, we proceeded on our way, and presently met Mr Fitz James walking with Bella and the children, and making all a great noise. Captain Monley was riding with him, and had gone on while he called here, so when he came for him he told Mr F.J. to ask him to tea, as he could not stay without him, so he rushed to him and we heard him shout – “Come Mobley, the Governor’s in town”, and I dare say he used many persuasions, but they were ineffectual amusing, but not over correct. I dare say he would have liked to come for he is very fond of us, and is always asking the Wallases what kind of girls we are, and takes a great interest in our proceedings, condoling much with Marion as being “cut out” by Bella.

Saturday 27^th - I abandoned Charley till I had finished my letters, one also to Kitty. They were sent down early, although the Vernon sails not until the afternoon. Harriet went in the afternoon to get a book from the Wallases, and brought down Jane, who sat with us all in the Mirante till espying Mr Hewson coming up the road she nearly run away, and we only detained by main forced as she has some unaccountable dread of the poor little man. He is still very sick, and has not left the house before these two days. I presently went up with Jane after gathering some flowers, and it was late when I returned, and quite time for Mr Hewson to depart, but he insisted on walking up and down the avenue in order to hear what I was angry with him for, so I told him he had greatly insulted me by telling Bella that he, a friend of 6 months, knew her better and took more interest in her than I her sister did, and that I was much offended, so he immediately exclaimed very vigorously dear Mary, how can you imagine that I ever could think, or day, that you take no interest in your sister” and then he entirely denied the charge, and declared he had only said that in some things he thought he knew her better than I did, yet in one he said even he had been for a long time puzzled, i.e, whether she liked him or not. So he quite stopped my mouth with all this, and then hoped immensely that I was not really angry with him, and that it would not prevent our continuing to be friends, when he had hoped we were beginning to be such good friends, and a great deal more of the same trend, so I of course forgave him, and we parted excellent friends, as is always the case.

Monday 28^th - Fanny, Harriet and I all went to Church and to town before breakfast, as we expected to go to Caniçal tomorrow. We called with the Haywards at Mr Pickens to see his Rabaçal views and bring him home to dinner, after which, as the Haywards had not been able to procure a four cared boat for tomorrow it was not thought expedient for us to go in a smaller one. Papa went down to he beach and returned with the intelligence that we could have one of Jonh Cow’s, so I immediately went to Julia’s and she rose from the couch on which she was luxuriously reposing to return with me, and consul upon the advisability of sending to put on the gentleman who had all been put off, but just as we were sending up Waldy on the pony to the Quinta de Livramento, we heard that the bottom of the boat being minus a plank, we were again obliged to give it up, and Julia returned home. Perhaps it was as well, for Messrs Hewson and Montgomery are both too ill to come to Church. About 6 Papa and I set off to the Mount, I on the pony from which I had intended to dismount half way, but I carried me so splendidly that I went on the whole way, and on reaching the Quinta we found Messrs Hewson, Montgomery, Charleses Hayward and Murdoch paying a visit, and it was so dreadfully cold, but Mr Hewson of course could not go away without speaking to us and lamenting his hard fate in not having heard the sermon, which I wish he had, for it was most beautiful and very applicable to him or rather to us who feel “charity” towards him, and then he left me Keble for today to read as he could not read is to me, which he has been promising to do for the last month, so they did not go away till it was so cold and late that I am sure they will both catch cold. In the evening Papa, Eliza and I had an argument about novels in the course of which if Mr Hewson had heard me he would have said I was dictatorial.

Monday 29^th - Papa met me before breakfast and so I gave him the pleasure of my company up the woods instead of studying Gibbon, and he went down after breakfast, calling with Keble on his way. The piano came up so I had the pleasure of a little practising, though much interrupted by hearing further particulars of yesterday’s conversation from Bella and our comments thereon. He certainly comes it awful strong as Arabella would say, but still I cannot but believe that it is all friendship and nothing else, on one side at any rate. After dinner we sat in the Furado ? for an hour, and Eliza gave us some interesting anecdotes, always nothing but Mr Hewson. We shall get quite sick of him, not, certainly, that I see as yet any symptoms of our arriving at the desirable conclusion. Then I came and wrote this and then for a wonder read a little German, till I was called to assist in gathering a nosegay for the same amiable gentleman who had spoken to Bella on their way to call on the Wallases. At about 6 a most elegant bouquet having been arranged by Eliza, we went to the Mirante, where they presently joined us, and then in spite of our earnest entreaties they would stay talking for an hour. Mr Hewson offended me immensely by laughing at me for blushing, but I could not scold him then, but I will tomorrow if he brings me a book, which I asked him to do ( at Bella’s instigation), as I have none to read. Fanny and Harriet with numerous children appeared in the evening, having failed in an attempt to reach the waterfall and Ellen, and the two Sheffields were so much fatigued that we had the compassion to allow them to sleep here and walk down the next morning.

Tuesday 30^th - It is such cold weather I can hardly write. Mary Oliveira called just as I was returning from a walk round the Quinta, and we took her to the Mirante, where she entertained us not much with Lisbon stories, especially as we were wondering till 6 o’clock why Mr Hewson did not bring my book. At last however he arrived with “the Trouble and the travels of Prince ____” so then Eliza and I continued our walk and when we returned at a ½ to 8 he had been gone some time. The poor man had been kicked that morning by a mule, and was so lame that Mama had commanded him not to come up here. He had been paying her a visit in the kitchen, where she was making dough, and was much amused thereat, but not disgusted so I think he must be improved. My head ached so abominably that I was soon obliged to leave an interesting discussion on proposals and the best way of rejecting them and retire to bed.

Wednesday 1^st July [1840] - I made pies and puddings and was at 12 o’clock practising when Bella called me to come and scold Mr Hewson, who was on his way to spend the day with the Wallases. As I told him I would not hurt his feelings by scolding him in public we walked up and down the walk leading to the gate, and there I made him very angry although he would by no means allow it by expressing my disapprobation of his intention of calling Bella by her Christian name when they are alone, and not when with her parents and family. This I told him was not a straightforward and open way of proceeding, and nothing I could say could or can alter my opinion, but I said that if he and Bella saw ho harm, they being the best judges of their own conduct, had better not care for what I said and do what was most agreeable to them. But he said that if it was wrong it was, and he would be very sorry to do anything he really thought so, but he still laboured to convince me that, as I confessed, there was not perfect confidence between us and our parents, and he declared there could never be, one concealment more or less did not make much difference. To this I replied that as I had always considered our want of confidence in our Mother a fault and as such to be striven against, and not encouraged, I thought that when we “liked” we ought not to make a fuss and mystery. Moreover I maintained that Mama would have no objection to his treating Bella with the same familiarity that he does me and every other young lady with whom he is at all intimate, but he told me he knew better than I, and perhaps he does. So it remained rather unsettled, and Malcolm presently joining us Mr Hewson went to finish the discussion with Bella, alhto’ at past 1 they had not come to much conclusion, except I believe that it is best to do what they like without minding the rightness or wrongness of the same, and to be sure this would be no worse than 100 things that say and do without the parent’s knowledge. I forgot to mention that in discussing confidence, he told me that he thought Mama a person who won confidence so very much, and that he would speak more openly to her than to this own Mother, but still he thought that it was more natural and better for two sisters to be confident than a Mother and daughter. Not so Mrs Sherwood. After dinner coming into may room, I found Bella, to whom I began talking, and presently worked myself up into such a rage with poor Mr Hewson that I began abusing him most vehemently, ending with “in short I think he must be cracked, for that is the only way in which I can understand all his inconsistencies”. I have now arrived at a more satisfactory understanding. So then as he was to call in on his way from the Wallas I went and hid myself in the garden, and when I found that Bella had told him every word I had said with my permission, and that he was more enraged than ever against me, saying that I was quite silly, and must have taken leave of my senses, so I am very sorry and especially that I am not to see him to have it out and make it up before Friday. Papa and Mama came up.